Posted by Racer on October 2, 2000, at 1:43:10
In reply to Re: Now I'm angry, ToddFromPhoenix, because... » Racer, posted by SLS on October 1, 2000, at 6:19:31
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> > And during her great pain, she'll have to find them -- and PAY FOR them. Aside from the pain and suffering, do you have any idea how expensive death is??
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> Listen, the world is full of the financial hardships that death can produce.
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> There are free and "sliding-scale" programs available for supporting the grieved. I imagine there are free support groups for survivors of suicide. I don't know. I guess it depends upon whether or not someone lives in a city or a suburb.The support groups may be sliding scale, but the biological clean up costs big bux. An employee of mine lost his grandfather to a self-inflicted gunshot about 18 months ago. It was terrible, and the money for the cleanup was unexpected and very significant. And no, there was no financial assistance, and no, they were compelled to pay someone else to do it. Hazardous biological waste.
> > Of course not. I do know, though, that we can survive a lot of pain.
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> "A lot"? You have betrayed the complexity and painful contemplation of this issue. So, friend, where do *you* concede a line be drawn whereupon more-than-a-lot is too much?If, as I suspect, you're suggesting that I underestimate the pain and complexity of depression, please sit back for a moment and ask why I'd be here if I didn't have some clue about depression? Or ask one of the old timers here, like stjames, whether they think I have maybe an inkling about it...
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> > Depression is something which can be overcome.
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> For me, I hope you are right. I have invested 23 years of painful endurance and 18 years of drugs and hope and failure. Please guarantee me that my neurophysiological disorder will be successfully treated before I die. I'll be your best friend... (not such a good deal for you) :-)I've had recurring depressions for almost 30 years, since late childhood/early adolescence. My first experience of anti-depressants came a decade into a severe depression which made it difficult for me to get through school. Tricyclics, with major side effects including a 70# weight gain. Then Paxil, a decade later, with a 50# weight gain and other side effects. Now, I'm on a drug cocktail, and am fairly stable. I'm hoping to go off the meds again next year, when I'll have been stable for about two years.
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> I am SURE that you do not know how hard life can be. I know that it can be harder than you dare imagine. I know that it can be harder than you can imagine should you dare to. This is also true of me.Scott, you have NO right to say that to me. Just as you say I couldn't possibly know how hard someone else's life has been, you can't know how hard my life has been!
Let's see, should we have a test to see who deserves the right to claim the title of 'depressed individual' or maybe pin a list of failed drugs to our sleeves? Listen, I am not in competition with you. I'm just trying to offer some hope.
Two years ago I was actively suicidal, locked up on a 5150 in the county hospital, uninsured, unemployed, isolated from everyone, dealing with a doctor who pushed drugs at me despite major side effects (BP so low I couldn't walk unassisted), and hardly able to pay my bills. My mother, who thinks that depression is weak will, had to loan me money for bills, to keep a roof over my head. I couldn't get drugs, because of the cost. The doctor told me that the drugs were fine, even when I couldn't keep any food down because of them.
Believe me, I do know something about how bad it can get.
And I don't believe that my recovery is an anomoly. I think that if you give up and run away, you'll never know if you could recover too.
I will probably have to take drugs again down the line. I will probably have another depressive episode. It's still worth it to experience the life I'm building back up for myself.
Every book I read, every new song I hear, they're all things I'd have missed out on if I'd taken the coward's way out. I'm glad to have survived. I hope you do too.
poster:Racer
thread:42903
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000926/msgs/45624.html