![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 18 of 18. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Deneb on November 14, 2008, at 20:45:28
I got triggered last night. I was chatting somewhere else and there was a private room with someone I wanted to chat with.
As I was exploring why I was so triggered, a painful childhood memory came up.
I felt so bad.
It doesn't seem like a big deal but it was to me.
I was little and I remember my Mom bought this clothes rack. My sister and my Mom opened the box together while I was at school or something. I wanted to open the box with them too. They threw away the box. I threw a major tantrum about the box for many days.
I spent many nights crying myself to sleep. It's still painful for me when I think about it.
Gosh, I'm about to cry right now just thinking about this.
:-(
Posted by TexasChic on November 14, 2008, at 21:12:09
In reply to I got triggered, posted by Deneb on November 14, 2008, at 20:45:28
I'm sure there's much more behind these feelings than the box, even back then. Do your Mom and sister tend to leave you out of things? If so, that would be a good reason for you as a kid to throw a tantrum over having a box opened in your absence when you were looking forward to it. Maybe they were alway leaving you out like that and you got sick of it? I don't know if that's just right, but I know from talking to you that your Mom and sister both have a habit of putting you down, and sometimes quite harshly. I would think this would tie into it.
What happened in the chat room? Did you end up not being let into the private chat room? Could this have reminded you of another time you were left out? Just some thoughts. I hope you're feeling better.
-T
Posted by Kath on November 14, 2008, at 21:32:46
In reply to I got triggered, posted by Deneb on November 14, 2008, at 20:45:28
Hi Deneb.
So sorry. That sounds incredibly painful for you.
This is the type of intensely painful feeling-situation-memory that I've found TAT (also EFT, but more TAT) helpful for.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KRXdQNA3aEk
This stuff is 'alternative' & might seem weird, but I've had emotional pain minimized by TAT.
Please feel free to ask me anything about it.
(((((((((((((you))))))))))))))
luv, Kath
Posted by TexasChic on November 14, 2008, at 21:57:19
In reply to Re: I got triggered » Deneb, posted by Kath on November 14, 2008, at 21:32:46
Wow, that's pretty damn cool! I will have to remember to go back to that link. I tried the one for depression, it makes me feel strangely lightheaded. However, at the same time, I feel I may be coming down with a cold or URI (I'm really hoping its just allergies, but I recognize that tickle in my chest/throat). But regardless, it did make me feel better, so its definitely something I will have to look into more. Thanks!
-T
Posted by Kath on November 14, 2008, at 22:13:36
In reply to Re: I got triggered, posted by TexasChic on November 14, 2008, at 21:57:19
I've had amazingly positive results from both TAT & EFT (which he shows along the right hand side).
He's a really nice guy - I've emailed back & forth a bit.
Hope you don't get a URI TC - hope you don't get sick.
xoxoxo Kath PS - I did MAJOR work on healing stuff about my Mom getting breast cancer & dying (in my early 20's) with TAT. (Did it over the phone a couple of years ago guided by a lady I sometimes got 'energy work' done by. Since then I just do it myself) There are different versions of TAT. One with 3 sentences; one with about 7 statements/sentences. I used the long one regarding my Mom.
the site for it is www.tatlife.com I believe.
they have a newsletter which is interesting.
I'm here if anyone wants help with it or EFT.
luv ya, Kath
Posted by Deneb on November 14, 2008, at 22:21:56
In reply to Re: I got triggered » Deneb, posted by Kath on November 14, 2008, at 21:32:46
I'm having a hard time. :(
I'll try the TAT thing.
Posted by obsidian on November 14, 2008, at 23:38:41
In reply to I got triggered, posted by Deneb on November 14, 2008, at 20:45:28
these kinds of things have a way of sneaking up on us and overwhelming us
I hope you talk about it with your T
I'm sorry you're so hurt
(((deneb)))
Posted by Racer on November 15, 2008, at 0:46:19
In reply to I got triggered, posted by Deneb on November 14, 2008, at 20:45:28
Deneb, from everything you've written here over the years, it sounds as though your mother and your sister are at best insensitive with you. Frankly, they sound rather cruel to you, although some of that is likely projection on my part.
It's good, however painful, to get those memories that show you that you've just regressed to another developmental stage. If you know where it's coming from, it's not nearly as frightening, which makes it far more manageable. And, what's that little thing people say? Baby steps? Oh, yeah...
So, you've survived the first of those steps. And you'll take another. And then another. And you'll fall down now and again, but then you'll pull yourself back onto your feet -- you'll probably hold on to something while you practice -- and one day, you'll suddenly find that you're walking. Just like when you learned to walk the first time. (Or if you were a lucky one like me, the second time you learned to walk...) (Wait, maybe that doesn't make me lucky, huh?)
I'm very impressed, though, Deneb -- do you realize what you've accomplished? And what odds were against you? My goodness, with a family situation so lacking in support, to have gotten where you are? And look what you do now when you're upset -- you come to Social and you say, "I'm upset," or "I've been triggered." That's far more balanced than what you did a few years back, remember? And you see how people have responded to you, too.
This is all hard stuff, kiddo. I'm fighting a lot of it myself, and I'm a lot older than you are. (Frighteningly, your mother might be in my general age range -- is that a truly terrifying thought or what?) I know first hand how hard it is when you think you need someone to hold your hand, and the only people around you are saying, "No, you're A Big Girl now, and you don't need your hand held." (That's a fight my psychoterrorist and I have regularly.) Turns out, though, that I don't need to hold on, I really can walk a bit better emotionally. And there's a feeling of such strength and power that comes with it! I am Racer, hear my engine roar!
You done good, little star.
Posted by llurpsienoodle on November 15, 2008, at 9:45:14
In reply to TC said about what I would have... » Deneb, posted by Racer on November 15, 2008, at 0:46:19
hi deneb,
I know you're feeling crappy lately... But I think there are opportunities here-- you were able to recognize the trigger AND the memory it triggered. Rather than just having a vague sense of unhappiness, you were able to make the link between this recent chat-room exclusion and a previous episode of exclusion. That's HUGE!!!I'm so sorry that your family hasn't been there for you, emotionally. It makes it hard to learn self-regulation. Now you're learning it as an adult (which is VERY vERY impressive). So many folks never put in the effort to understand their feelings, (triggers, memories, reactions... etc) and they have constant struggles throughout their lifetimes. But you are working really hard, to understand and work on adaptive ways to respond to intense negative emotions. I'm sorry it's so hard right now.
Is there anything going on in your life that is adding to your stress, perhaps making it harder to stay emotionally balanced?
Is there anything you can do to help stay afloat in troubled times? You mentioned that you are on a walking regimen-- can you use walking as a tool for self-regulation of difficult emotions?
Keep up the hard work. I hope you have a better day today.
-Ll
Posted by llurpsienoodle on November 15, 2008, at 9:45:46
In reply to ((((((Deneb))))))) » Racer, posted by llurpsienoodle on November 15, 2008, at 9:45:14
Posted by Deneb on November 15, 2008, at 11:59:39
In reply to Re: I got triggered » Deneb, posted by TexasChic on November 14, 2008, at 21:12:09
I'm not sure if I was left out a lot.
I'm remembering a bunch of other unpleasant memories now. Like my parents fighting and once in a while it got physical (not extreme, but it was still very scary for me). I remember my Mom crying and asking my sister and me to hit our father back. I froze, but my sister hit my father.
I remember my Mom being late to pick me up from daycare. I was so scared. I remember my Mom leaving us outside the stores in Chinatown while she went inside to buy stuff. I was left with my sister in a stroller with a large number of bags on the handles. There were tons of people in Chinatown and I remember being so scared as I waited outside for my Mom. I remember once the bags got so heavy that it tipped the stroller with my sister in it. I didn't know what to do. I was so scared.
I think the chat exclusion thing definitely brought out the memory.
Posted by Deneb on November 15, 2008, at 12:01:02
In reply to Re: I got triggered » Deneb, posted by obsidian on November 14, 2008, at 23:38:41
Thanks obsidian.
I see my pdoc/T on Tues. I'll talk about this then.
Posted by Deneb on November 15, 2008, at 12:07:50
In reply to TC said about what I would have... » Deneb, posted by Racer on November 15, 2008, at 0:46:19
Thanks for the encouragment Racer.
I think what I need to focus on now is that I'm a adult now and I have some control now.
I need to focus on the future I think.
Posted by Deneb on November 15, 2008, at 12:10:05
In reply to ((((((Deneb))))))) » Racer, posted by llurpsienoodle on November 15, 2008, at 9:45:14
Thanks Llurpsie.
It's been raining these last couple of days so I haven't been walking, whic his just an excuse really because I have waterproof clothes now.
I never talk to my pdoc about childhood stuff, but this is affecting me a lot so I'll talk about it on Tues.
Posted by Phillipa on November 15, 2008, at 12:36:20
In reply to Re: ((((((Deneb))))))) » llurpsienoodle, posted by Deneb on November 15, 2008, at 12:10:05
Deneb the weather is bad all over it seems and that does add to bad feeling as I'm having a horrible time. Divorces in family with kids and no one that cares it's me to solve my world problems alone. Well did it for years. Since you have a support system use it and do talke to pdoc/T Love Phillipa
Posted by Dinah on November 15, 2008, at 13:45:02
In reply to Re: I got triggered » TexasChic, posted by Deneb on November 15, 2008, at 11:59:39
I'm so impressed, Deneb, that you can link these feelings to early memories. A lot of times that helps with learning to deal with them more than simply trying to move forward from where you are.
I'd be interested to know how your therapist responds.
Posted by Kath on November 15, 2008, at 20:56:43
In reply to Re: I got triggered » TexasChic, posted by Deneb on November 15, 2008, at 11:59:39
> I'm remembering a bunch of other unpleasant memories now. Like my parents fighting and once in a while it got physical (not extreme, but it was still very scary for me). I remember my Mom crying and asking my sister and me to hit our father back. I froze, but my sister hit my father.
>
> I remember my Mom being late to pick me up from daycare. I was so scared. I remember my Mom leaving us outside the stores in Chinatown while she went inside to buy stuff. I was left with my sister in a stroller with a large number of bags on the handles. There were tons of people in Chinatown and I remember being so scared as I waited outside for my Mom. I remember once the bags got so heavy that it tipped the stroller with my sister in it. I didn't know what to do. I was so scared.
>
> I think the chat exclusion thing definitely brought out the memory.~ ~ ~ ((((you))))))) Those things sound VERY VERY scarey & upsetting. (Also it sounds like you were put in situations that weren't healthy or appropriate.) While the past is past, I think it's important to know - not to dwell on, but to know, that certain things did happen, but were NOT okay.
Hope you're doing okay today Deneb.
luv, Kath
Posted by Deneb on November 17, 2008, at 0:03:59
In reply to Re: I got triggered » Deneb, posted by Kath on November 15, 2008, at 20:56:43
Thanks everyone. I'm doing OK again, not crying all the time, which is good.
I have lots of stuff to tell pdoc on Tues.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.