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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by Miss Honeychurch on January 17, 2004, at 11:49:21
In reply to Re: Don't forget my division » fallsfall, posted by Karen_kay on January 17, 2004, at 10:59:57
Ladies, ladies, ladies....
I take one Friday night off and look what I come back to! Mass confusion, mass DELUSION, granny panties, sequins, a new Therapist judge (Beefcake), and whiplash due to an unruly breast. When will the madness stop?
I have several points to clarify:
1. Bean does NOT wear a toupee, he has a full head of hair, thank you very much. It is not receding, he is not balding.
2. Miss Honey knows the finer points of beauty pageant etiquette and knows that double sided tape is her friend on the stage. However, I choose to ammend my whiplash to when I am sitting in Bean's lap during the evening gown competition when Karen falls, Elle starts busting out some 80s dance moves (a la cabbage patch and running man - completely horrifying everyone), All Done has some logistical issues even I am too embarassed to talk about, and Fallsfall is too busy easting prunes in the corner to care what is going on :)
3. There seems to be some delusion that Karen wins MIss Congeniality or the interview section or whatever. LIttle does she know that loose lips sink ships and hers are plenty loose! Maybe Bubba appreciates her witty remarks and refreshing candor, but Bean will be absolutely horrified (scoring her a 0)and Beefcake will be too busy looking at Miss Honey's 36Ds to listen to anything Karen has to say (scoring her a -1).
4. Fallsfall, PLEASE bring that ouija board!
Posted by Elle2021 on January 17, 2004, at 12:45:40
In reply to Miss Honeychurch - Bean's Beauty, posted by Miss Honeychurch on January 17, 2004, at 11:49:21
Evening Gown: Karen's dress mysteriously disappears after Elle uses Karen's dressing room. Karen, determined to upset Elle and give her confidence a knock-down, dons a clown suit (since she knows Elle is terrified of stupid clowns). Fittingly, Karen is also afraid of clowns; when she passes by a mirror on her way to the stage, she catches a glimpse of herself and faints. Elle, having never seen Karen, goes on to win this portion of the pageant.
Talent: Elle ditches her fire baton and chooses to recite Paradise Lost for this section. All Done, under the impression she can sing, waddles on stage and begins to croon "Somewhere Over the Rainbow," dressed quite appropriately in Dorethy's wardrobe. The judges aren't impressed, especially Elle's therapist. Terribly embarrassed, All Done runs off stage, her wails can be heard from backstage. Fallsfall finds this delightful and sits smirking...in the corner of course. Miss Honey, and her boobs, float onto stage left. Elle's therapist says he is not impressed by giant breasts and surprise surprise, Elles wins this part too.
Interview: Karen has revived since her unfortunate fainting spell. She is now wearing her RED dress. Miss Honey and Fallsfall whisper amongst themselves saying, "Well, you know what they say about girls who wear red..." :) Elle, granny panties and all, has a panic attack (we want this realistic right?) and is unable to complete this portion. Karen wins. :(
Master: I'm not sure what that means, sounds like it has something to do with skating...so Fallsfall wins.
Finals: Elle in first, All Done in second, Miss Honey in third, Fallsfall in fourth, and poor Karen is LAST!!!!!!!!!
Elle
Posted by fallsfall on January 17, 2004, at 13:33:26
In reply to Miss Honeychurch - Bean's Beauty, posted by Miss Honeychurch on January 17, 2004, at 11:49:21
Miss Honeychurch and everyone else,
How did you know I eat prunes? I even like them.
The Master's Division is for those of us who have more maturity and experience (and age) than the rest of you. When you have passed the giddy stage of young adulthood there are different things that are important. The swimsuit competition is really not a pretty sight at my age (now, we could have a swimsuit competition of the CHILDREN of people in the Master's division - my children would represent me well). We prefer activities where you can sit down - this is why the Master's division has a Bingo component. Of course, the most important part of the Master's division competition is the "Life's Wisdom" competition. This is where the contestants are asked questions like "If you could have one wish granted, what would it be?" and they have to come up with answers that have a little more depth than "World Peace" or "To marry my therapist". Now, everyone has heard of my superiority in these areas, so they are all afraid to compete in the Master's division - therefore, I easily take first place.
I'll bring the Ouija board for when things settle down and we can ask questions like "Will wearing a Wonder bra all the time keep your boobs from sagging when you get old?" and "What do therapists talk about with each other?" and "Who is the best therapist in the world". Finally we will get some answers.
I'm so glad that you guys let me come. I don't think I ever was your age - this way maybe I'll learn about some of the things I missed. Of course, you don't really learn unless you DO - so I guess I'll have to come out of my corner!
Respectfully submitted with awe,
Falls
Posted by Karen_kay on January 17, 2004, at 14:02:29
In reply to Miss Honeychurch - Bean's Beauty, posted by Miss Honeychurch on January 17, 2004, at 11:49:21
You talk about mass confusion and then try to clarify things with your own take. Girl, maybe you need to get your head examined! Now, we'll keep the 80's style dance moves ala Elle. Yes, that will do nicely! Also, one thing just occurred to me. We seem to now have 4 judges. In the event of a tie (which won't happen, as I will get all 4 votes) maybe we should sequestor Dr Bob to this little sleepover for the final vote. Now ladies, there will be no hitting on him. I believe that may considered uncivil :) (Or maybe not? I'm sure if it was me it wouldn't be uncivil in the least but Miss Honey if it were you I'm sure you'd be banned from this site for the next three decades and we couldn't have that, now could we? :) But, it seems we are running low on therapists at this point....
Oh, and Fallsfall...Go easy on the prunes hun. We know it smells bad enough in there with all the hot air Miss Honey blows out of her pothole, we don't need you stinking up the bathroom as well. Just a casual reminder :)Back to the story and clarifying Miss Honey's horrible errors!!!
Ok, I've seen Bean on several occassions and have had the pleasure of removing his toupee several times. I know for a fact he wears one as my dog kindly removed it from the nightstand in my bedroom during one of our rompings and began to wrestle with it. And I believe it is made of squirrel fur. Maybe he should raise his fees so he could opt for a more expensive and realistic set of hair??
For the talent competition, Karen choses to recite a poem about the importance of ongoing therapy and how it has changed her life. She even manages to fake a few tears :) (HA HA HA Quite a good actress, I must say.) She's wearing a sleazy red dress, and yes say what you will about girls who wear red dresses, it's all true! She casually walks over to each judge and looks into each set of eyes. They shiver knowing that they too want her as a client and dread seeing their own clients on stage and in the office. Yes, you see Karen wins yet another portion of the pageant. As she walks of stage, she does trip and fall (being honest), but each judge jumps up to help her regain her grace and posture reassuring her that she didn't lose any points for simply falling. They each pat her bum and kiss her cheek. All parties in back see the exchange of graces and sulk!
Elle comes out on stage and dances to Eye of the Tiger. She break dances and also does various other 80's moves. The only person who truly joins in her enthusiasm is Beefcake, as he frequents 80's clubs. He tries to join her onstage, but she pushes him offstage and runs screaming, as he accidently touched her bum. She feel humiliated and joins Fallsfall in the corner. She eats too many prunes and ends up bloated all night. So much so that she can't even be sewn into her evening gown. She forfeits the chance to be a part of any future competition and is disqualified. Sorry Elle, you lose!!!!
All Done attempts to sing another classic 80's song "I just Died in Your Arms Tonight" also winning Beefcakes approval, but the rest of the judges boo her offstage. She tries to continue singing but the boos become so loud she can't possibly ignore them any longer. She too runs screaming from the stage and is in the corner eating prunes and stinking up the room. Miss Honey calls room service for air freshener and the pageant continues...Miss Honey wins the swim suit competition but only because she has large breasts, even if they aren't real. (See, I can lose every once in a while. Just not gracefully)
The judges get together and it is a tie. Miss Honey has Beefcake and Bean's vote. Karen has Bubba and Elle's therapist (Pdoc)'s vote. The deciding factor it seems is Dr Bob's vote. And I guess it is up to him to decide. The jury's in and he votes for......Karen!!! Yup! Karen wins again! Sorry Miss Honey, you lose one more time. How many times to we have to replay this scenario before you finally realize that I'm the winner and you're runner up. I'm giving you runner up. Isn't that good enough?
Posted by Karen_kay on January 17, 2004, at 14:08:27
In reply to Re: Master's Division » Miss Honeychurch, posted by fallsfall on January 17, 2004, at 13:33:26
"What do therapists talk about with each other?"
OMG!!!! I'm going to ask my therapist that the next session...Forget working on my other problems, I WANT TO KNOW!!! I'd call him and ask him now, except I don't have his home number. Well, actually I do, but he doesn't know I do. Does that make me bad? It's under his wife's maiden name in the telephone book....Oopsie daisy! I'm entirely too darn nosey!
I always wonder in my therapist sits around the house in his underpants. Does anyone else wonder that, or am I the only one? I feel weird for asking...Tell me I'm not the only one, PLEASE!!
Posted by Elle2021 on January 17, 2004, at 14:34:10
In reply to Re: Master's Division » fallsfall, posted by Karen_kay on January 17, 2004, at 14:08:27
> "What do therapists talk about with each other?"
Well, I haven't wondered if he lounges around the house in his underpants, until now, but I'm putting that throught out of my head. I do wonder what he does in his spare time, does he have hobbies? I imagine him sitting in front of a fireplace, sitting in a sophisticated chair reading the latest issue of The American Journal of Psychiatry. He can't be a golfer because I don't like golf. He might play tennis (cause I like tennis). Other than that, I'm guessing he plays non-stop with palm piolets and such. :) Also, I want him to like to garden! Cause I love gardening! Come on, me and him have to have something in common, aside from the fact that I'm crazy and he agrees.
>It's under his wife's maiden name in the telephone book....Oopsie daisy!
Dare I even ask how you found out what his wife's maiden name is??? :)
Elle
Posted by Karen_kay on January 17, 2004, at 15:20:58
In reply to Therapist Talk... » Karen_kay, posted by Elle2021 on January 17, 2004, at 14:34:10
You dare ask! Well Elle, it was under the picture I found of her on the net. And that's it! I'm coming clean next week! I decided in the shower (of all places??). I going in, sitting down, asking him to switch chairs with me so I don't have to face him. I'm also going to ask him to hold all questions until the end. And also, I'm going to ask him to please not sigh or breath loud as I may take that as a sign of digsust or concempt. BTW, his wife goes by her maiden name. Interesting thing is that I told him long ago that when I get married, I'd keep my name. Maybe add to it, but most certainly keep it.
There is one thing that I failed to mention (OH, the shame...) OMG, Elle this is horrible....I tried to email the pic to my sister to reassure me that I was better looking than his wife and I crashed the site.... Now, the site is not maintained by her, so I'm pretty sure he doesn't know. And it it were traced back, it would go to my boyfriend. So, I'm fairly certain, he wouldn't catch me. Now, this part I'm not giving out to ANYONE except my fellow Babblers. SHHH!! Please don't tell. Oh, the site was up and running the next day...I'm humiliated....See, I can be fairly dumb when I want to be and I have a knack for getting myself into situations....
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on January 17, 2004, at 17:13:24
In reply to Re: Therapist Talk... » Elle2021, posted by Karen_kay on January 17, 2004, at 15:20:58
Preferably beginning with "B"
We have:
Bean
Bubba
Beefcake
Bob
and
???
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on January 17, 2004, at 17:14:36
In reply to Elle, we need a name for your therapist, posted by Miss Honeychurch on January 17, 2004, at 17:13:24
Posted by Karen_kay on January 17, 2004, at 18:03:27
In reply to Elle, we need a name for your therapist, posted by Miss Honeychurch on January 17, 2004, at 17:13:24
Posted by Karen_kay on January 17, 2004, at 18:07:43
In reply to Dr. Bob, will you be our tie breaker judge? (nm), posted by Miss Honeychurch on January 17, 2004, at 17:14:36
Now Miss Honey, do we REALLY want to draw attention to ourselves? Why don't you take a look back at our posts....I'd say not!!! And besides, by breaking the tie, he'd be incriminating himself. Is he a breast man, does he lean more towards personality, does he like the 80's? Hmmmm.... maybe we should keep him out of this mess. Could someone else lend us their prized therapist?
BTW, I still know he likes me BEST! So eat that!
Posted by Elle2021 on January 17, 2004, at 18:08:55
In reply to Elle, we need a name for your therapist, posted by Miss Honeychurch on January 17, 2004, at 17:13:24
> Preferably beginning with "B"
>
> We have:
>
> Bean
> Bubba
> Beefcake
> Bob
> and
Burt
:)
Elle
Posted by Elle2021 on January 17, 2004, at 18:13:16
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob, will you be our tie breaker judge? » Miss Honeychurch, posted by Karen_kay on January 17, 2004, at 18:07:43
> BTW, I still know he likes me BEST! So eat that!
Oh Karen, you poor little delusional thing you! He likes me best.
Elle :)
Posted by Karen_kay on January 17, 2004, at 18:13:45
In reply to Re: Elle, we need a name for your therapist » Miss Honeychurch, posted by Elle2021 on January 17, 2004, at 18:08:55
Posted by Karen_kay on January 17, 2004, at 18:19:21
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob, will you be our tie breaker judge? » Karen_kay, posted by Elle2021 on January 17, 2004, at 18:13:16
OK, now this calls for some immediate intervention/action as I am FEELING very accused and put down at this very moment! Now Elle, why do you say such things when you know for a fact that everyone likes me better than you? You know this is true. Why, I was talking to your mum just the other day and she told me how she wished I was her daughter. I'm sorry I had to be the one to tell you that, but someone has to. :) And even Miss Honey was saying she was thinking of dropping you from the pageant all together because she can't stand 80's music. Just ask All Done, she told her too! Now, All Done isn't always as honest as I am, but I think she'll tell you the truth on this one. I'm everyone's favorite! Just ask. And I'm not delusional! My Pdoc said so once, before he put me back on blasted antipsychotics. So there you have it. Who's delusional hun?
Posted by Elle2021 on January 17, 2004, at 22:29:46
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob, will you be our tie breaker judge? » Elle2021, posted by Karen_kay on January 17, 2004, at 18:19:21
Now Karen, I just can't stand to think of you as feeling accused.
>Now Elle, why do you say such things when you know for a fact that everyone likes me better than you?
It's easy, they are only trying to make you feel like you are liked...but they really like me the best.
>Why, I was talking to your mum just the other day and she told me how she wished I was her daughter.
Yes, she mentioned your call. Said she could barely understand you, something about wishing you were more like me...
>And I'm not delusional! My Pdoc said so once, before he put me back on blasted antipsychotics. So there you have it. Who's delusional hun?
I'm not sure just who's delusional, maybe it's time you get a check-up.
:) Hehe!
Elle
Posted by Karen_kay on January 17, 2004, at 23:13:01
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob, will you be our tie breaker judge? » Karen_kay, posted by Elle2021 on January 17, 2004, at 22:29:46
Upon serious reflection, I've come to the conclusion that I would not like Dr Bob to be a judge. It's so funny but I wanted to find out when I first started posting. So, I went back and saw the very first post I made got me A PBC! (I wasn't so nice back then) Can you believe it? Me?? I can include a link if you like... >) I guess I just needed someone to get me piping mad before I actually registered and began posting. I'm surprised it wasn't you! So, now we need to find a new judge, with a B name. Preferably one who likes spunky women...Any takers reading this far?
Posted by Elle2021 on January 18, 2004, at 5:30:07
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob, will you be our tie breaker judge? » Elle2021, posted by Karen_kay on January 17, 2004, at 23:13:01
> So, I went back and saw the very first post I made got me A PBC! (I wasn't so nice back then) Can you believe it? Me?? I can include a link if you like... >) I guess I just needed someone to get me piping mad before I actually registered and began posting. I'm surprised it wasn't you!
I'm surprised it wasn't me too! Hehe! Yes, I would like to see that link. :) By the way, how did you post without registering first. When I first got here, I tried to post, but it wouldn't let me until I had registered.
>So, now we need to find a new judge, with a B name. Preferably one who likes spunky women...Any takers reading this far?
I think by spunky you mean classy...right
Elle
Posted by Dinah on January 18, 2004, at 9:05:27
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob, will you be our tie breaker judge? » Karen_kay, posted by Elle2021 on January 18, 2004, at 5:30:07
I'm quite certain he would be impartial. Try to look independent and confident. He doesn't like dependent women.
Posted by All Done on January 18, 2004, at 9:07:21
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob, will you be our tie breaker judge? » Karen_kay, posted by Elle2021 on January 18, 2004, at 5:30:07
I am away for one day (in part trying to have a successful therapy appointment) and you ladies lose any grip on even the smallest tidbits of reality that you *may* have had in the past! Not to mention calling Dr. Bob's attention to this thread! We just may, with the mud slinging insults we have thrown around, be asking for it. But I have wondered if Dr. Bob reads everything and, if so, do we amuse him? I'm hoping we have at least given him a few chuckles...
Now, I need you all to understand that Beefcake would *never* vote for anyone but me. I mean, just yesterday, he practically told me he is in love with me! (Well, he said I didn't bore him, does that count?) And, as I live in close proximity to Dr. Bob, I fully intend to pay him a visit prior to the competition. Once he meets me, he too will fall in love. There, his vote will be secured. Finally, I will win over Bubba's heart when he realizes I have just as much charm as Elle, breasts just as voluptuous as Miss Honey's, and I am no where near as clumsy as Karen. Three votes secured for All Done. Case closed.
I have often wondered what Beefcake's life is like at home. I just have to assume that he spends most of him free time (in between the visits to the 80s dance clubs) thinking of yours truly. And yes, he does this while in his underwear ; ). I think at my next session I will ask him the million dollar question - boxers or briefs?
Posted by All Done on January 18, 2004, at 9:33:40
In reply to Oh dear..., posted by All Done on January 18, 2004, at 9:07:21
I think we need to add a contest to this already somewhat unconventional pageant. Perhaps, we can have a cooking competition. I know I can bake Karen and her therapist cookies under the table!
That way, too, when we're done, we'll have stuff to eat at the sleepover :).
Posted by Karen_kay on January 18, 2004, at 14:35:04
In reply to Oh dear..., posted by All Done on January 18, 2004, at 9:07:21
Well I NEVER.....
First of all, I merely stated that Dr Bob would make a good judge. Miss Honey is the one that began drawing attention to the post, by asking him to be a judge. I sometimes wonder if we are giving him chuckles or hives? Does he realize that we really dislike each other or does he think we are joking? Hmmmm. I wonder? (And of course All Done, you are my favorite :)
I vote that we disqualify Miss Honey from this pageant completely. She obviously lacks the skills needed to compete. Those skills being humor, charm, manipulativeness, and charisma. The only obvious asset she talks about is her rack, and those who brag usually lack. Wouldn't you agree Elle? Not to mention the fact that Miss Honey never portays herself in a realistic manner. Why doesn't she ever trip and fall? Why doesn't she ever throw up on stage?
Lucy, you have some 'xplainin to do.....
As for your therapist "being in love with you," hun, are you on any medications? I mean, it's pretty safe to assume that my therapist fantasizes about me. So, one could say that he's also in love with me, that's not a far leap to take. But, just because you don't bore him doesn't mean he's in love with you. Beafcake has some serious issues of his own to deal with. I know that he wears pennyloafers and bluejeans with a bowtie. Now girl, that spells trouble. When I get up on stage, I assure you Beafcake will be putty in my hands. I will ruin your images of disillusionment. He's going to be so busy drooling over me, he couldn't tell you the time of day, or the name of your song, even if it is "Jennifer 8675309eiiiiinn"..Help, I'm running out of 80's songs here..... And the only reason he told you that you weren't boring is probably because you are! (Well, I guess even I can't say that without laughing. I'm quite certain you aren't boring in the least. It's great when they say that, isn't it :) That's my good deed for the day so smile knowing I'm not all bad...
As for Beefcake spending most of his time thinking about you...Well, YEAH! But, I'd spend most of my time thinking of my most unruly client as well. The one that I can't figure out. The client that I can't seem to understand. The one client that can't tie her own shoes. The client who doesn't brush her hair (wait, that's me :). The client who doesn't socialize well. The client who thinks "bad" thoughts about me. The client who fantasizes about odd beauty pageants and sitting on my lap. The client who thinks that I sit around in my underwear. The client who thinks she can seduce me....Uh oh girls, we're in trouble now!!!!
Posted by Karen_kay on January 18, 2004, at 14:46:41
In reply to Re: I'll lend you mine...., posted by Dinah on January 18, 2004, at 9:05:27
Again I feel like "Mom's reading my journal!" Why do you have this effect on me Dinah? It's rather humorous. Maybe you should marry my therapist and we could be one big happy family with lots and lots of puppies? He's very cute! (But I must warn you, he does have something that your therapist does not. I think you know what I mean here.... :)
Thanks for offerring up your therapist. Does his name begin with a B? If not, we must arrange it to fit our needs. Now, I know that he dresses very well, so I should be able to win him over in that department. Beating Elle should be NO contest, or the others for that matter.
Now, we must work on a better agenda. Future installments to come. This is making my brain hurt. All of these less than perfect agendas are cramping my creativity and hindering my style. While I appreciate the thoughts, they just can't compete with the supreme talents that I have to offer. Maybe Elle should have spiders crawl out of her hair? Now, would that be too nasty? That's debatable....But, it would also cause me to have a panic attack in the process. We could always have Dinah be a judge. A female judge would be nice, as sex appeal wouldn't play a deciding factor. But then it wouldn't be nearly as fun either :(
Posted by Dr. Bob on January 18, 2004, at 15:20:44
In reply to Oh dear..., posted by All Done on January 18, 2004, at 9:07:21
> We just may, with the mud slinging insults we have thrown around, be asking for it.
If you're all OK with this, great, but if not, I'd like to know. Maybe by email would be best? Thanks,
Bob
Posted by Karen_kay on January 18, 2004, at 15:25:24
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob, will you be our tie breaker judge? » Karen_kay, posted by Elle2021 on January 18, 2004, at 5:30:07
I'm surprised it wasn't me too! Hehe! Yes, I would like to see that link. :) By the way, how did you post without registering first. When I first got here, I tried to post, but it wouldn't let me until I had registered.
I just cut and pasted, so I'm not sure if I did it right. And don't tell me to check FAQ. I'm lazy! If it doesn't work, then cut and paste it into your address box. I know you're lazy too! It was on September 25 Psychobabble Psychology under some post about therapists referring out their clients due to sexual inappropriateness (go figure!) and transference. I forgot the fact that I asked my therapist if I could sit on his lap when he talked about reparenting! Oh, I'm too much sometimes!
And I did register first, I just didn't post. I just needed something to give me that extra "push"!!! I suppose that did it. And Dr Bob gently slapped my hand. I must admit, I deserved it.
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030925/msgs/267491.htmlBy spunky, I meant just that. Though I am both spunky and classy. Thanks for noting both. I appreciate it :)
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