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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by happyflower on December 11, 2005, at 16:24:08
My T said last week most people think he is a nice guy, I cringe when he says that.
My mom worked in the school as a teachers aid in my brothers special ed class. Well all I ever heard from teachers and kids was how nice my mom was.
I married what I thought was the nicest person who everyone likes, who has a lot of compassion and caring for people. Well now another "nice" person has hurt me badly. And I always thought he was nicer and more compasionate than me and I thought he would never hurt me. I was wrong.
How can I ever trust "nice " people. I hate my T says people thinks he is nice. But he admitted to me also that he has been an *sshole too, so that makes me feel better.
Another topic for discussion in therapy, should I tell my T I hate it when he says people thinks he is a nice guy?
I think my T sex trigger posts are much more fun than these last two. Don't ya think?
Posted by B2chica on December 11, 2005, at 16:37:42
In reply to More sh*t, more abuse triggers, posted by happyflower on December 11, 2005, at 16:24:08
> My mom worked in the school as a teachers aid in my brothers special ed class. Well all I ever heard from teachers and kids was how nice my mom was.
mine worked in a hospital and all i ever heard was how lucky i was to have such a Wonderful mother. 'I' was lucky, 'i' should be thankful, making me feel like i didn't deserve a good mother. well i must not have cuz behind closed doors came an ugly confusing monster that only me and my father have seen.
Posted by happyflower on December 11, 2005, at 17:15:58
In reply to Re: More sh*t, more abuse triggers, posted by B2chica on December 11, 2005, at 16:37:42
I HATED it hearing how wonderful my mom was, when she was abusing the heck out of me. I try not to even bother telling anyone who knows the both of us, because they don't believe me becasue she was so nice.
Posted by B2chica on December 11, 2005, at 17:38:31
In reply to Re: More sh*t, more abuse triggers » B2chica, posted by happyflower on December 11, 2005, at 17:15:58
Posted by happyflower on December 11, 2005, at 22:09:06
In reply to More sh*t, more abuse triggers, posted by happyflower on December 11, 2005, at 16:24:08
She even worked for our communtity EMT. Oh, how everyone thought she was such a hero, for saving lives. How can someone be so nice and have such a dark side that would make someone shutter with disbelieve at all the cruel stuff she did.
Was it funny eating my pet rabbits for dinner? Oh, it's chicken she says. She said she would make me eat my vomit if threw it up.
I remember the pain of the burn, I didn't know to put ice on it, it just burned and burned and I thought I must have been very bad for my mom to hate me and hurt me so much. She threatened to kill me if I told anyone including my dad. I wonder if he would have believed me if I tried to tell him?
He died from colon cancer 3 days before X-mas 5 years ago and I belive my mom hastened his death so she could be with her new man who she married 6 months after my dad died. The last time I saw him I saw fear in his eyes. Was it fear about my mom or fear of dying? I don't know. I will never forget it. Could my mom been abusing him while he was so weak and dying , I don't know. I know she was angry at him a lot when he was too weak and needed a cane to walk. She told me that he wanted everyone to feel sorry for himself because he didn't need a cane.
Posted by happyflower on December 11, 2005, at 22:31:18
In reply to Re: More sh*t, more abuse triggers puke trigger, posted by happyflower on December 11, 2005, at 22:09:06
All I ever wanted in my life as a child was to be held and loved and wanted. I wanted to be told I was loved. I craved attention I never got. I was scared of being alone with her.
As a child I used to get up before my mother, make me a lunch and hide out in the woods until my dad came home. I had a great hide out, all kinds of junk I found. I would read all day, even in thunderstorms. I wasn't scared of the lightening, I was more scared of being in the same house as my mom. When my dad came home I silently ate my dinner, did the dishes and went to bed. I hated summers, I liked it better when school was in session, so I didn't have to hide so much. It got very cold out in the woods in the winter. But I didn't care, luckly my dad got off work a couple of hours after I got home from school. I had it hard as a kid, how I survived I have no idea.
Posted by allisonross on December 11, 2005, at 23:30:56
In reply to More sh*t, more abuse triggers, posted by happyflower on December 11, 2005, at 16:24:08
> My T said last week most people think he is a nice guy, I cringe when he says that.
((Happyflower)))))
EVERYBODY said that about my ex. He is an abuser, narcissist, cruel personality-disordered "person."
"Abusers are masters at deception." After all, they usually only abuse in private. I always wondered why people think they know another person. Do people think jerks/abusers, etc. walk around with fangs and dragging their knuckles on the ground? No...they look like everyone else.
>
> My mom worked in the school as a teachers aid in my brothers special ed class. Well all I ever heard from teachers and kids was how nice my mom was.I hear it now. They have NO idea.
>
> I married what I thought was the nicest person who everyone likes, who has a lot of compassion and caring for people. Well now another "nice" person has hurt me badly. And I always thought he was nicer and more compasionate than me and I thought he would never hurt me. I was wrong.
>
> How can I ever trust "nice " people. I hate my T says people thinks he is nice. But he admitted to me also that he has been an *sshole too, so that makes me feel better.
>
> Another topic for discussion in therapy, should I tell my T I hate it when he says people thinks he is a nice guy?Say whatever you think/makes you feel better.
> I think my T sex trigger posts are much more fun than these last two. Don't ya think?
Yah, let's get back to that, LOL, LOL
My heart goes out to you....I do understand some of what you are feeling.
Love n hugs, PIC, Ally
Posted by Dinah on December 12, 2005, at 8:55:38
In reply to But what really hurt was her words, lack of love, posted by happyflower on December 11, 2005, at 22:31:18
That paints such a vivid and heartbreaking picture of the life of the little girl you were. It always makes me so angry that there are parents like that out there.
Can you tell me more about your Dad? Waiting for him to come home before going home yourself must have made him so very important to you. Did he spend much time with you? Losing him must have been extra hard.
Posted by happyflower on December 12, 2005, at 9:25:11
In reply to Re: But what really hurt was her words, lack of lo » happyflower, posted by Dinah on December 12, 2005, at 8:55:38
Thanks Dinah,
My dad was the better of the two, but he too was guily of neglect, but he didn't pysically abuse me. He was from the old fashioned school of dicipline where he would spank if you did something bad. Even though he did take it too far with my brother (who was a handful), he never hurt me physically like leaving bruises. I was too scared to do anything wrong, so normally I didn't even get spanked.I remember him telling me about 3 times that he loved me and he hugged me those 3 times but other than that, there was no outward showing of love. My mom never told me I was loved or hugged me. So he mostly neglected my needs(like clothing and food). I can't say that I was close to him, I didn't know how. But I do remember seeing pictures of me sitting on his lap smiling, so there must be some happy memories some where.
I remember one summer where he took me alone fishing, and we caught a ton of fish at dusk and it was so dark, it was hard to find where to get off this lake. It was a nice memory. There is very little good memories concerning my family life growing up, but a have a few of my dad.I do miss my dad a little, he died about 5 years ago this Christmas. He was good with my kids. His family is very somewhat normal, if there is such a thing. Thanks Dinah for asking. :)
Posted by Dinah on December 12, 2005, at 10:24:27
In reply to Re: But what really hurt was her words, lack of lo » Dinah, posted by happyflower on December 12, 2005, at 9:25:11
I don't ever remember either of my parents telling me they loved me, or hugging me much. It might have happened when I was really little. I used to sit on Daddy's lap, and I remembered when I grew too old and he started pushing me off. I suspect you're a bit younger than I am, but I wonder how common it was to have outward displays of affection back then. Did he have other ways of showing you love?
That lake trip sounds like fun. I used to love the things that Daddy and I did, just together. I'd guard them jealously. We went to the racetrack together every Saturday during racing season.
Do you have any contact with your father's fairly normal family? I never was much in contact with the few members of Daddy's family until the very end of his life, but now I have a pretty good, if casual, relationship with one of my cousins. It's nice to keep in contact with someone else who loved him, and I hope that you have that in your life as well.
My Daddy died around Christmastime too. In fact, a year from this Thursday. Do you think the anniversary is stirring things up for you a bit?
Posted by orchid on December 12, 2005, at 20:49:18
In reply to More sh*t, more abuse triggers, posted by happyflower on December 11, 2005, at 16:24:08
Actually being a nice person only means that they are nice most of the times. They can be real *ssholes too.
I am also considered generally to be one of the nicest girls around. I was even give "Miss Nice Girl" in my college (they had all sorts of crazy awards :-)). But I really was an *sshole in the first year of my marriage towards my husband. Simply because I didn't know better at that time, and because I was under lot of emotional pressure myself too.
But I think one of the charactersistics of a real nice person, would be that they are willing to learn and accept their mistakes and change if pointed out in a right way.
As far as your husband is concerned, I really think you should give him more time. He might turn around.
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