![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 20 of 20. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by shrinking violet on June 26, 2005, at 19:24:45
hi everyone,
i'm sorry for posting, especially when i haven't been very supportive lately (selfish, i know). It's just very painful to read most posts right now, let alone think of anything "wise" and helpful to say to anyone.
i'm not even sure where to start, or what to say, or what difference it will make. maybe getting it out will help some.
i moved in with my sister and her friend yesterday. i miss my neighborhood, and i feel so far away from my t down here...it's only about 45 mins away, but still, i miss it, and my evening walks by the farm.
i just realized i still referred to her as my t, even though i guess she isn't anynmore. it hurts to think of her, because, well, it just does. i keep remembering back to march, when she said she felt we should terminate in another session or two, because it was becoming too "painful" for her. I can see what she meant, but i can't help but feel deserted. she did what she said she'd never do, and yes it took her almost a couple of years, but all along i knew it would happen. and it did. or maybe i "made" it happen, somehow...self-fulfilling prophecy and all. But all that aside, i miss her terribly, and i feel like we have a lot of things unsettled between us. I recently read (thanks to the suggestion of another Babbler) "When Boundaries Betray Us," by Carter Heyward. While the details of our situations are different, and while I don't agree with everything she says, nor her reactions to certain things, the general feeling is the same: that my t and i had a special genuine connection, and we were both cheated out of a special relationship just because of the way we met. A word that comes up in the book a lot is "mutuality;" I think that's the word I was searching for all the time I was seeing my T, but i didn't have the language or words at that time to discuss these things. I sent her a letter last week, updating her on things here and telling her I feel like things are unfinished with us and i hope that someday we can have those discussions. But i know i'll never hear from her, let alone see her again in any capacity, and i wonder what i've done, why all i seem to do is hurt people and make them turn from me.
This is going to sound silly, but I also have the feeling that my t is suffering right now. Not physically, per se, but...When i was seeing her, i sensed this vulnerability in her; a part of her that's sad, and wounded, and needs to be cared for, and very alone. Maybe that's partly what connected us, those hurt parts of ourselves. I also feel like she hides this part from other people, that she feels no one in her life can understand, so she suffers quietly. I also sensed that, at various times during our sessions, she's wanted to share some of these things with me, because i think she knows i'd understand and not judge her, and maybe comfort her some, too. But she held back, or she'd start to and then back off. And i know it sounds odd, but i'm feeling it from her very strongly lately. Maybe part of it is me, the way i'm feeling, and part of it is missing her so very much and longing to make things "right" with her, but i also think some of it IS coming from her, and it hurts me terribly that i can't help.
I think we could have a very special and meaningful relationship, the two of us. I think we could share with and care about each other in ways that no one else can....That we can somehow fill some of the holes each of us has inside. Not all of them, and not in all ways of course, but some....
I'm scared, and alone, and confused, and sad. I don't know where to go from here, and I don't have anyone to help me figure it out anymore. I don't know what to do.... :-(
I should stop this here, before someone comes upstairs and catches me crying.
I wish I could hug my T right now, for both of us. I wish that more than anything in the world.
-sv
Posted by pinkeye on June 26, 2005, at 20:32:00
In reply to confused, sad, posted by shrinking violet on June 26, 2005, at 19:24:45
(((((SV)))))
I am very sad that you are hurting SV. I know what you are going through. The kind of torture the clients go through when the therapist's terminate them without the client's will is horrible and cruel. There is really a huge deal of anger and hurt and pain that the client ends up going through, and the therapists don't seem to understand or not willing to acknowledge it and take some actions to help the client out. Really, I feel a T should agree to see the client atleast once in couple of months to ensure a smooth transition and to help the client move on. No amount of reasoning would justify the cruelty they impose upon the client when they terminate abruptly.
But I also know that it is impossible to get an answer or some consolation or even an acknowledgement of the pain that you go through from the Ts. (yours or mine). For some reason, I think they get frightened or unwilling to help us out when they terminate. And it is quite a torture to the client, but somehow, they blank out on it. I don't know why though.. I would never ever do such a thing.
I don't know really how to heal.. I guess time would dull the pain little bit. So would be worthwhile to try to start with a new T. Or maybe participate in these boards extensively. You don't really have to help anyone here. But you can let others help you.
I am somewhat in the same boat as well and I also don't know the solution too well. But hopefully it will get easier with time.
Regarding the feelings that there is something so much mutual or there are really special feelings between both of you, or thinking that you might be able to help her out of her own hurt - all these feelings, I think every client has. I have felt the same about my ex T also.. But somehow it turns out that it is really my own projection, and nothing to do with him. For that matter, there was a guy who was very much in love with me a while back, and he felt tons of things towards me and about me.. he would remember each and everything I said, he wanted to protect me, he even understood me really. But I didn't really want anything from him. Sometimes it really happens that way - some persons really understand us and can comfort us, and we might feel good that the other person cares, but we really don't want to have it with the other person. As a T, it is her responsibility to not get any personal gratification from you, and mabye that is why she didn't seek it out from you. I would suggest you try to find other people who you can help out, and turn this caring towards them. That might really help you as well.
Posted by annierose on June 26, 2005, at 21:26:03
In reply to confused, sad, posted by shrinking violet on June 26, 2005, at 19:24:45
Hi Violet -
I hope living with your sister provides you with some comfort. One of my sisters is very maternal, and when I had my children, she took extremely good care of me. It's okay to let someone help carry the burden.I remember you posting about a residental treatment center a few weeks ago. What happened with that? I thought that sounded promising.
I once had an abrupt termination with a T (years ago, by my own doing). I remember how difficult it can be to keep wondering, "if only ...." "I wonder if she ...." I'm not sure those thoughts are helpful unless you are mulling over them with another professional who can help you process these emotions.
Thinking of you,
Annierose
Posted by Jazzed on June 26, 2005, at 22:36:52
In reply to confused, sad, posted by shrinking violet on June 26, 2005, at 19:24:45
HI SV,
I'm so sorry that you're feeling so alone and sad. It's really interesting that you felt your T's pain so strongly, and that she started to share things, but then backed off. Maybe there is something there that she felt she had in common, maybe it was so painful not to be able to tell you. I'm so sorry that you were abandoned, and you were left feeling so empty, and so much unfinished.
I think, and I could be wrong, that some T's and psychaitrists pick their field because of something in themselves, or someone close to them, that they are trying to resolve. My 2nd psychiatrist was so awesome, like a brother to me. He shared some stuff with me, and toward the end of my therapy, I asked him what drew him to psychiatry. He told me his mom was schizophrenic, and that every day when he was growing up he would come home from school, and she would have been drinking all day. He would try to help her, and hide all the bottles b4 his dad got home from work. That's why he chose it, but I think sometimes it has to be about their own personal stuff. Maybe it was that way for your T.
I hope you start to feel better, and that your sister and her friend are good companions for you.
Jazzy
Posted by happyflower on June 27, 2005, at 13:05:45
In reply to confused, sad, posted by shrinking violet on June 26, 2005, at 19:24:45
((((Shrinking violet))))
How are thing today? Are you feeling any more at home at your new place? Don't worry about whether you are posting support or not, I think we always can't help others all the time, but just being here, is giving support.
It sounds like you and your T was so close, I believe in feeling when something isn't right with another person. Even if you don't see them. It is like a 6ths sense.
Are you allowed to contact her? I don't remember why you had to stop therapy. Do you feel comfortable in writing her, letting her know how you are doing, and asking about her?
SV, do you have a big stuffed animal that you can hug right now? Can you see another T? Please post as much as you like, we are here for you. :)
Posted by shrinking violet on June 27, 2005, at 17:48:34
In reply to Re: confused, sad » shrinking violet, posted by pinkeye on June 26, 2005, at 20:32:00
>> "I am very sad that you are hurting SV. I know what you are going through. The kind of torture the clients go through when the therapist's terminate them without the client's will is horrible and cruel. There is really a huge deal of anger and hurt and pain that the client ends up going through, and the therapists don't seem to understand or not willing to acknowledge it and take some actions to help the client out. Really, I feel a T should agree to see the client atleast once in couple of months to ensure a smooth transition and to help the client move on. No amount of reasoning would justify the cruelty they impose upon the client when they terminate abruptly."
-- I agree. But, to be fair, I played a large part in how things worked out. I couldn't engage with her, or talk to her, and while I felt that I was starting to break through the worst of my defenses, and if she had hung in a little longer, I would have broken through them (which is sort of where I am now), but I couldn't communicate that to her. And how much longer could she have taken my silences? Plus, I was spiraling more at that time: losing weight, SI, suicidal, etc. So maybe she thought she and/or T was the cause of it, and it would have been better for me to remove herself. I don't know, I can only speculate. Ironic, that now I'm sort of in an in-between place, feeling like my insides have been burnt out and demolished, but in a way I've moved through a lot of stuff and NEED to figure out a way to rebuild. Either that, or I'll end up going down into myself again. My life is one irony after the other, it's ridiculous.
>> But I also know that it is impossible to get an answer or some consolation or even an acknowledgement of the pain that you go through from the Ts. (yours or mine). For some reason, I think they get frightened or unwilling to help us out when they terminate. And it is quite a torture to the client, but somehow, they blank out on it. I don't know why though.. I would never ever do such a thing.--I wouldn't either, but most T's probably never experienced a bad termination, so they don't know what it's like. If they did, they'd be more vigilant in preventing them. And I know my T didn't do it on purpose, but it still bothers me that she can turn her back on me NOW, when I needed her most. I don't understand that; is that what "caring" is? :-(
>> I don't know really how to heal.. I guess time would dull the pain little bit. So would be worthwhile to try to start with a new T. Or maybe participate in these boards extensively. You don't really have to help anyone here. But you can let others help you.
--Thanks, pinkeye, that's sweet. I'll try. As for a new T....I don't know. I'm not ready yet. I can't start over with someone who doesn't know me, I don't have the energy for that. And I have too much going on to put it in the hands of someone who has yet to figure out who I am and what I'm about, you know? My T already knew all of that. Plus I feel like I can't move on until I fix things with my ex-T. I'm trying to accept that may never happen (in all probability, it won't), but I don't know, I'm stupid and naive I guess, holding onto this hope that somehow I'll hear from her and it'll be right in the end. Maybe I'm just hurting myself more by thinking that, but I can't help it.
>> I am somewhat in the same boat as well and I also don't know the solution too well. But hopefully it will get easier with time.--Thanks, I hope it does for you too. {{{{pinkeye}}}}
>> Regarding the feelings that there is something so much mutual or there are really special feelings between both of you, or thinking that you might be able to help her out of her own hurt - all these feelings, I think every client has. I have felt the same about my ex T also.. But somehow it turns out that it is really my own projection, and nothing to do with him.--True, as I said in my original post, I searched myself too, to see if I was throwing my stuff onto her. I don't think so, though. This will sound nutty, and if someone else told it to me I'd be skeptical, but I've always had a sort of "emotional intuition" about people, especially if I've known them for a while. I can usually tell if they're upset but trying to hide it, etc. And sometimes I can actually almost feel the person's feelings/pain, if it's intense enough. It's a little odd that I'm feeling it so strongly now, when I'm not even seeing my T anymore. So, yes, perhaps some or a lot of it is the way I'm feeling in general about myself and my situation right now, but, also when I was seeing her I felt that she was going through a lot, and wanted to share stuff with me, so I think some of it is really what she's feeling. As far as clients wanting to help their T's, etc, I understand it's a common feeling. It's hard to take all the time and not give back, just as it is for the T to give a lot and not necessarily get as much. But I tried to give my T what I could, given the limitations of our relationship, and as a person, I'm more of a giver/carer than a taker, so I'm more comfortable in that role. But even if she weren't my (ex) T, I'd feel the same. I want to help her b/c I care about her, and even if I'm off and there's nothing wrong (I hope), I still know we had/have a unique connection. Again, if someone else told me they felt that way about their T, I'd think it was transference, etc, too. But it happens, people meet and they connect emotionally or spiritually or whatever. And I think that's what happened with me and my T...It's just more complex because of the way we met, and our roles during the time we had together (t/client).
Sorry, I hope I'm not rambling... :-[
Thanks for taking the time to respond.
I wish you peace as well.sv
Posted by shrinking violet on June 27, 2005, at 18:16:44
In reply to Re: confused, sad » shrinking violet, posted by annierose on June 26, 2005, at 21:26:03
>> "I hope living with your sister provides you with some comfort. One of my sisters is very maternal, and when I had my children, she took extremely good care of me. It's okay to let someone help carry the burden."
--Thanks. My family isn't like that though and my sister, while she has a lot of good qualities, is definitely not maternal, at least not in a sisterly sort of way (she's pretty good with pets, I guess *lol*). In our family, we don't talk about stuff, or let others "in" on what's going on inside. So, it would feel too awkward and weird for her to be privy to any of that information, which is very personal and private to me anyway. I'm glad your sister was helpful to you, though.
>>"I remember you posting about a residental treatment center a few weeks ago. What happened with that? I thought that sounded promising."
-- Wow, I'm impressed by your memory! Yes, I did go for the assessment a couple of weeks ago and am waiting to hear if they'll admit me (it's a private facility and they only admit 9 patients at a time, so they have to "pick and choose"). I'm scared either way.
>>"I once had an abrupt termination with a T (years ago, by my own doing). I remember how difficult it can be to keep wondering, "if only ...." "I wonder if she ...." I'm not sure those thoughts are helpful unless you are mulling over them with another professional who can help you process these emotions."
--First, I'm sorry for your experience.
--When I went for the assessment, I met with the clinical director. I liked him right off, and while telling him of the usual history information new providers take, we also discussed my "team" and my T, and I let slip how our termination was hard for me, I feel like I've been dropped and cut off and my guilt/blame for causing that, etc etc. He understood right away, said it must be very painful for me, and it sounds like I need some closure with her. He said he'd bring it up to her and/or my psych, if he spoke with any of them (I signed releases for the treatment center to do so), but I have no way of knowing if he did, or will (again, it probably depends on whether they'll accept me as a patient first). And even so, I doubt any of them would agree to see me again, for any reason.--Thank you for your thoughts,
--sv
Posted by shrinking violet on June 27, 2005, at 18:17:38
In reply to Re: confused, sad, posted by shrinking violet on June 27, 2005, at 18:16:44
Posted by shrinking violet on June 27, 2005, at 18:23:45
In reply to Re: confused, sad (((((hugs)))))), posted by Jazzed on June 26, 2005, at 22:36:52
>> "I'm so sorry that you're feeling so alone and sad. It's really interesting that you felt your T's pain so strongly, and that she started to share things, but then backed off. Maybe there is something there that she felt she had in common, maybe it was so painful not to be able to tell you. I'm so sorry that you were abandoned, and you were left feeling so empty, and so much unfinished."
--Thank you for understanding, I appreciate it. I think her role as a T got in the way...Obviously her career means a lot to her, and she wouldn't jeopardize it in any way, nor would I want her to. And she's very aware of ethics, etc. I just wish we had had those sorts of discussions, about our feelings for the other, etc, and why we can never see or hear from each other again just b/c of how we met. There are no laws concerning these issues, only guidelines. And I would have liked to have that dialogue with her, and maybe we could have come to some sort of mutual agreement or understanding. At the very least, the ending wouldn't have played out like we were saying goodbye to someone we met the day before, which is what it felt like to me since we both closed off during the last session; that in itself is very hard to think about.
>> "I think, and I could be wrong, that some T's and psychaitrists pick their field because of something in themselves, or someone close to them, that they are trying to resolve. My 2nd psychiatrist was so awesome, like a brother to me. He shared some stuff with me, and toward the end of my therapy, I asked him what drew him to psychiatry. He told me his mom was schizophrenic, and that every day when he was growing up he would come home from school, and she would have been drinking all day. He would try to help her, and hide all the bottles b4 his dad got home from work. That's why he chose it, but I think sometimes it has to be about their own personal stuff. Maybe it was that way for your T."--True. Personal issues probably play a lot in what career someone chooses. My T did tell me a bit of her reasonings for going into this profession, which I won't share here due to privacy concerns, etc.
>> "I hope you start to feel better, and that your sister and her friend are good companions for you."
--Thanks. It's still hard so far, but hopefully it's a temporary situation.
--Thank you,
--sv
Posted by shrinking violet on June 27, 2005, at 18:57:29
In reply to Re: confused, sad » shrinking violet, posted by happyflower on June 27, 2005, at 13:05:45
>> ((((Shrinking violet))))
--Thank you, here's one for you too {{{{happyflower}}}}
>> "How are thing today? Are you feeling any more at home at your new place?"--No, not at all. If anything, it's harder, because I went to my old apartment today, to give my landlords the key and get my security deposit, so being up that way again was very hard.
>>"Don't worry about whether you are posting support or not, I think we always can't help others all the time, but just being here, is giving support."
--Thank you. I just feel guilty for taking when I haven't given anything.
>> "It sounds like you and your T was so close, I believe in feeling when something isn't right with another person. Even if you don't see them. It is like a 6ths sense."
--Thank you for understanding that. Yes, it is very much like another sense. I've always been that way with people (never actually told anyone until now!), although this is one of the rare times I feel it when not in contact with the person in some way. If someone else told me that they were that way though and I wasn't, I'm not sure I'd believe it or understand. It's an odd thing.
>> "Are you allowed to contact her? I don't remember why you had to stop therapy. Do you feel comfortable in writing her, letting her know how you are doing, and asking about her?"--Hm, depends. I'm not supposed to email her. I have her home number and she told me to call if there's anything she can do to help, but sometimes people say that and don't mean it, and I would never call her at home. I sent her a card a few weeks ago, and last week I did write her a letter, updated her on some general things (my move, etc), and sent her some pictures of a swan and cows I took while on one of my walks when I lived at my apartment (the day after I sent the letter, I came across some rabbits on my walk, and wished I had waited one more day to send it so that I could have included a pic of the bunny too!). I told her that I feel like things are unsettled with us, that I wished we had talked about our relationship, etc, and I hope that someday we can have those discussions but I'm trying to accept that it might not happen. I haven't asked any questions in my letter to her; I don't think I could do that to her (I'd be too afraid she would think I was trying to manipulate a response). It's hard too, not knowing whether she wants to hear from me. I hate the idea of sending her things she'd rather not receive. And I wonder how much longer I'm going to write to her, knowing I'll never hear from her. It's too hard.
Oh, as for stopping therapy...It's a bit confusing, because I'm not sure myself. My T works for a Uni, and she is only allowed to see students. At the time, I was preparing to graduate in August. I thought we'd have until May, at least, and was hoping she'd see me through the summer. But in March, she suggested we terminate because it was becoming "too painful" for her. I wish I had asked her what that meant, and told her my feelings about it. But back then I was so numbed-out and distant, that none of those things ever occurred to me when I was sitting in front of her (and even if they did, I'd be too afraid to say them). So I saw her maybe 2-3 times more from then until May, when we had our last session. In the meantime, I extended my graduation to December, since I had a very rough semester emotionally/mentally/physically and couldn't bear any more mental processing in any capacity, and I thought I'd try for inpatient for the summer. It's a bit confusing, sorry...I'm not even sure of a lot of it myself (questions, questions...), but that's the situation in general. Messy, isn't it?
>>"SV, do you have a big stuffed animal that you can hug right now? Can you see another T? Please post as much as you like, we are here for you."--Thank you. Your first question is making me cry, becuase I started to remember the soft cuddly chair pillows my T has. I'd hold onto them during sessions and sometimes, during a break or a particularly hard time, she'd let me take one home and I'd keep it with me everywhere. I miss it a lot right now.
--I could see another t, of course. But I can't in the sense that 1) I can't afford to spend $$$ going through xxx number of T's before I find one that I can maybe work with. Also, and more importantly, I don't think I have the emotional or mental resources for something like that, and 2) if I get into this residential center, I'd have to abruptly stop working with the new T to go inpatient for 4+ weeks, so I don't see the point of starting something I may have to stop soon anyway and 3) It's hard to voluntarily start another situation like that again when the first one feels unfinished, and hurts so much. I feel like I'm being stupid and finding excuses not to move onto another T, but whenever I think about it I get upset. I just can't right now (not saying I don't *need* it, but I just can't). And I blame myself for what happened with my T, and I'm afraid of putting someone else through that. I've subjected enough people to me, for a while, I think. :-(--Thank you for your thoughts, I appreciate them.
--sv
Posted by happyflower on June 27, 2005, at 19:50:35
In reply to Re: confused, sad » happyflower, posted by shrinking violet on June 27, 2005, at 18:57:29
> >> ((((Shrinking violet))))
>
> --Thank you for understanding that. Yes, it is very much like another sense. I've always been that way with people (never actually told anyone until now!), although this is one of the rare times I feel it when not in contact with the person in some way. If someone else told me that they were that way though and I wasn't, I'm not sure I'd believe it or understand. It's an odd thing.I totally believe in it. I sometimes can feel the presence of my grandma who died over 25 yrs. ago. And an old boyfriend, and this is the first I have ever admitted this. But I feel it with my T. ( I know everyone is saying, yeah, right) but it is true and it kinda freaks me out. I think he feels something too because there are just too many coincedences between us. He has even commented on we have a lot of things in common, past and present. It is a different connection, and I have only felt it with 3 people that I have known. I am afraid of telling my T this, because I don't want to scare him away or anything. But the feeling is there. Maybe some day I will tell him, but right now, I am too chicken to admit this to him.
> I sent her a card a few weeks ago, and last week I did write her a letter, updated her on some general things (my move, etc), and sent her some pictures of a swan and cows I took while on one of my walks when I lived at my apartment (the day after I sent the letter, I came across some rabbits on my walk, and wished I had waited one more day to send it so that I could have included a pic of the bunny too!). I told her that I feel like things are unsettled with us, that I wished we had talked about our relationship, etc, and I hope that someday we can have those discussions but I'm trying to accept that it might not happen. I haven't asked any questions in my letter to her; I don't think I could do that to her (I'd be too afraid she would think I was trying to manipulate a response). It's hard too, not knowing whether she wants to hear from me. I hate the idea of sending her things she'd rather not receive. And I wonder how much longer I'm going to write to her, knowing I'll never hear from her. It's too hard.
> I think writing to her was a nice thing. It will be up to her if she wants to respond. I hope she does. :)
I think when you are ready for a new T, you will know it.>
> >> --Thank you. Your first question is making me cry, becuase I started to remember the soft cuddly chair pillows my T has. I'd hold onto them during sessions and sometimes, during a break or a particularly hard time, she'd let me take one home and I'd keep it with me everywhere. I miss it a lot right now.
((((sv)))))) I am sorry to make you cry, I wouldn't of said that if I knew. :(
And I blame myself for what happened with my T, and I'm afraid of putting someone else through that.
You know maybe I am wrong, but it seems to me that your T was being triggered by something in her past. I don't think it was your fault for that. She will need to work on these issues in order to become a stronger T because she will encounter more of these stories. I read somewhere that a lot of T's are surviors of abuse themselves. That why they have the compassion to help others. I am sure she didn't feel you did anything wrong, if anything she might feel bad, because she wanted to do better for you, but couldn't because of her past. Was she a fairly new T?
Please don't feel like you are a burden to us, and please post as much as you like. Together all of us Babblers can heal together and rule the world someday. I hope I didn't make you feel worse, if I did, I am truely sorry. Try to keep safe tonight.>
>
>
Posted by shrinking violet on June 27, 2005, at 20:30:04
In reply to Re: confused, sad » shrinking violet, posted by happyflower on June 27, 2005, at 19:50:35
>> I totally believe in it. I sometimes can feel the presence of my grandma who died over 25 yrs. ago. And an old boyfriend, and this is the first I have ever admitted this. But I feel it with my T. ( I know everyone is saying, yeah, right) but it is true and it kinda freaks me out. I think he feels something too because there are just too many coincedences between us. He has even commented on we have a lot of things in common, past and present. It is a different connection, and I have only felt it with 3 people that I have known. I am afraid of telling my T this, because I don't want to scare him away or anything. But the feeling is there. Maybe some day I will tell him, but right now, I am too chicken to admit this to him.
--Maybe your T feels it too? It sounds that way. Sometimes I think I'm taking everything my T said, or anything I felt between us, too personally, and that I'm crazy for thinking that she feels what I do about our relational connection. But if I think back to all of the specific special moments my T and I have shared, I have to believe that she felt/feels it also. I hope you can talk this over with your T some day....I wish I had done so with mine while I had the chance.
>> "I think writing to her was a nice thing. It will be up to her if she wants to respond. I hope she does."
--Thanks, but knowing her, I know she won't. Not that she wouldn't want to, maybe, but maybe she feels she can't or shouldn't. I think if she had a private practice it might have been different, but having the University over her head, I think it influences her a lot.
>> ((((sv)))))) I am sorry to make you cry, I wouldn't of said that if I knew. :(
--No don't apologize! I didn't mean to make you feel badly, I'm sorry I put it that way!
>> You know maybe I am wrong, but it seems to me that your T was being triggered by something in her past. I don't think it was your fault for that. She will need to work on these issues in order to become a stronger T because she will encounter more of these stories. I read somewhere that a lot of T's are surviors of abuse themselves. That why they have the compassion to help others. I am sure she didn't feel you did anything wrong, if anything she might feel bad, because she wanted to do better for you, but couldn't because of her past. Was she a fairly new T?
--No, she's been a T for 15+ years, and a darned good one. I don't think I have any csa in my past at all, and as far as I know she doesn't, although who knows. She's been through enough as it is (she's physically disabled, which is all I'll say due to privacy reasons). It's still possible my defensiveness was a trigger for her in some way; she always perceived it as anger, even when it wasn't, and she reacted strongly to that, so I thought maybe she had some issue with that herself, although I never asked. Aside from that, the only thing I can think of, which others have pointed out to me, is that she was too emotionally involved with me and it got in the way. It's hard to guess though, and I don't want to do that.
>> Please don't feel like you are a burden to us, and please post as much as you like. Together all of us Babblers can heal together and rule the world someday. I hope I didn't make you feel worse, if I did, I am truely sorry. Try to keep safe tonight.
--No, you didn't, don't apologize. It's fine, really. Thank you for being so sweet.
--sv
Posted by shrinking violet on June 30, 2005, at 12:53:06
In reply to Re: confused, sad » happyflower, posted by shrinking violet on June 27, 2005, at 20:30:04
sorry.....in a lot of pain today.
missing her a lot.
and it's hard, having so much i need to discuss/fix/ask, and not being able to contact her; or, rather, knowing she won't respond.
i had a dream about her last night too, which probably triggered a lot of sadness today.
i don't know if i can keep doing this. :-(
sorry....if anyone has an extra hug, i could use one.
sv
Posted by pinkeye on June 30, 2005, at 13:03:12
In reply to hurting today......(hugs?), posted by shrinking violet on June 30, 2005, at 12:53:06
One thing I really have an advice for you - find some other T. That is what is helping me.. I previously thought I would never find anyone like my ex T. But now I am realizing my current T is even better in many areas.. and it is really really helping me.
So find some new T.
I am sorry you are hurting so much. ((SV)) Keep working on yourself though - try to understand what really causes you pain.
Posted by gardenergirl on June 30, 2005, at 13:27:12
In reply to hurting today......(hugs?), posted by shrinking violet on June 30, 2005, at 12:53:06
Thinking of you...
gg
Posted by happyflower on June 30, 2005, at 14:14:01
In reply to ((((((((SV))))))))) » shrinking violet, posted by gardenergirl on June 30, 2005, at 13:27:12
I am glad you are reaching out to us SV. We are here for you! I don't like having those kind of dreams either that stir up everything. It must be so hard missing your T who seemed to be such a big part of your life. I am not looking forward to my termination day( more like D-Day). Here some hugs for you (((((SV)))) ((((((SV))))
(((((SV))))) (((((((SV)))))) and a nice comfey pillow to hug. Take care of yourself
Posted by Dinah on July 2, 2005, at 11:07:46
In reply to hurting today......(hugs?), posted by shrinking violet on June 30, 2005, at 12:53:06
Posted by Poet on July 2, 2005, at 11:41:23
In reply to hurting today......(hugs?), posted by shrinking violet on June 30, 2005, at 12:53:06
Posted by shrinking violet on July 2, 2005, at 11:45:44
In reply to ((((((Shrinking Violet))))))) (nm), posted by Dinah on July 2, 2005, at 11:07:46
Posted by Shortelise on July 2, 2005, at 15:44:33
In reply to hurting today......(hugs?), posted by shrinking violet on June 30, 2005, at 12:53:06
I am sending you quiet. A fine night, warmth, lightening bugs flashing, the scent of night flowers on the air. A breeze so warm and slight it's like a soft kiss.
You are safe in this place, Violet. Safe and warm, and the breeze flows through your mind and leaves nothing behind but silence and contentment. You are thoroughly in the moment and the moment is peaceful.
ShortE
This is the end of the thread.
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