Posted by pinkeye on June 26, 2005, at 20:32:00
In reply to confused, sad, posted by shrinking violet on June 26, 2005, at 19:24:45
(((((SV)))))
I am very sad that you are hurting SV. I know what you are going through. The kind of torture the clients go through when the therapist's terminate them without the client's will is horrible and cruel. There is really a huge deal of anger and hurt and pain that the client ends up going through, and the therapists don't seem to understand or not willing to acknowledge it and take some actions to help the client out. Really, I feel a T should agree to see the client atleast once in couple of months to ensure a smooth transition and to help the client move on. No amount of reasoning would justify the cruelty they impose upon the client when they terminate abruptly.
But I also know that it is impossible to get an answer or some consolation or even an acknowledgement of the pain that you go through from the Ts. (yours or mine). For some reason, I think they get frightened or unwilling to help us out when they terminate. And it is quite a torture to the client, but somehow, they blank out on it. I don't know why though.. I would never ever do such a thing.
I don't know really how to heal.. I guess time would dull the pain little bit. So would be worthwhile to try to start with a new T. Or maybe participate in these boards extensively. You don't really have to help anyone here. But you can let others help you.
I am somewhat in the same boat as well and I also don't know the solution too well. But hopefully it will get easier with time.
Regarding the feelings that there is something so much mutual or there are really special feelings between both of you, or thinking that you might be able to help her out of her own hurt - all these feelings, I think every client has. I have felt the same about my ex T also.. But somehow it turns out that it is really my own projection, and nothing to do with him. For that matter, there was a guy who was very much in love with me a while back, and he felt tons of things towards me and about me.. he would remember each and everything I said, he wanted to protect me, he even understood me really. But I didn't really want anything from him. Sometimes it really happens that way - some persons really understand us and can comfort us, and we might feel good that the other person cares, but we really don't want to have it with the other person. As a T, it is her responsibility to not get any personal gratification from you, and mabye that is why she didn't seek it out from you. I would suggest you try to find other people who you can help out, and turn this caring towards them. That might really help you as well.
poster:pinkeye
thread:519474
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050622/msgs/519507.html