Posted by shrinking violet on June 27, 2005, at 20:30:04
In reply to Re: confused, sad » shrinking violet, posted by happyflower on June 27, 2005, at 19:50:35
>> I totally believe in it. I sometimes can feel the presence of my grandma who died over 25 yrs. ago. And an old boyfriend, and this is the first I have ever admitted this. But I feel it with my T. ( I know everyone is saying, yeah, right) but it is true and it kinda freaks me out. I think he feels something too because there are just too many coincedences between us. He has even commented on we have a lot of things in common, past and present. It is a different connection, and I have only felt it with 3 people that I have known. I am afraid of telling my T this, because I don't want to scare him away or anything. But the feeling is there. Maybe some day I will tell him, but right now, I am too chicken to admit this to him.
--Maybe your T feels it too? It sounds that way. Sometimes I think I'm taking everything my T said, or anything I felt between us, too personally, and that I'm crazy for thinking that she feels what I do about our relational connection. But if I think back to all of the specific special moments my T and I have shared, I have to believe that she felt/feels it also. I hope you can talk this over with your T some day....I wish I had done so with mine while I had the chance.
>> "I think writing to her was a nice thing. It will be up to her if she wants to respond. I hope she does."
--Thanks, but knowing her, I know she won't. Not that she wouldn't want to, maybe, but maybe she feels she can't or shouldn't. I think if she had a private practice it might have been different, but having the University over her head, I think it influences her a lot.
>> ((((sv)))))) I am sorry to make you cry, I wouldn't of said that if I knew. :(
--No don't apologize! I didn't mean to make you feel badly, I'm sorry I put it that way!
>> You know maybe I am wrong, but it seems to me that your T was being triggered by something in her past. I don't think it was your fault for that. She will need to work on these issues in order to become a stronger T because she will encounter more of these stories. I read somewhere that a lot of T's are surviors of abuse themselves. That why they have the compassion to help others. I am sure she didn't feel you did anything wrong, if anything she might feel bad, because she wanted to do better for you, but couldn't because of her past. Was she a fairly new T?
--No, she's been a T for 15+ years, and a darned good one. I don't think I have any csa in my past at all, and as far as I know she doesn't, although who knows. She's been through enough as it is (she's physically disabled, which is all I'll say due to privacy reasons). It's still possible my defensiveness was a trigger for her in some way; she always perceived it as anger, even when it wasn't, and she reacted strongly to that, so I thought maybe she had some issue with that herself, although I never asked. Aside from that, the only thing I can think of, which others have pointed out to me, is that she was too emotionally involved with me and it got in the way. It's hard to guess though, and I don't want to do that.
>> Please don't feel like you are a burden to us, and please post as much as you like. Together all of us Babblers can heal together and rule the world someday. I hope I didn't make you feel worse, if I did, I am truely sorry. Try to keep safe tonight.
--No, you didn't, don't apologize. It's fine, really. Thank you for being so sweet.
--sv
poster:shrinking violet
thread:519474
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050622/msgs/520183.html