Posted by shrinking violet on June 27, 2005, at 17:48:34
In reply to Re: confused, sad » shrinking violet, posted by pinkeye on June 26, 2005, at 20:32:00
>> "I am very sad that you are hurting SV. I know what you are going through. The kind of torture the clients go through when the therapist's terminate them without the client's will is horrible and cruel. There is really a huge deal of anger and hurt and pain that the client ends up going through, and the therapists don't seem to understand or not willing to acknowledge it and take some actions to help the client out. Really, I feel a T should agree to see the client atleast once in couple of months to ensure a smooth transition and to help the client move on. No amount of reasoning would justify the cruelty they impose upon the client when they terminate abruptly."
-- I agree. But, to be fair, I played a large part in how things worked out. I couldn't engage with her, or talk to her, and while I felt that I was starting to break through the worst of my defenses, and if she had hung in a little longer, I would have broken through them (which is sort of where I am now), but I couldn't communicate that to her. And how much longer could she have taken my silences? Plus, I was spiraling more at that time: losing weight, SI, suicidal, etc. So maybe she thought she and/or T was the cause of it, and it would have been better for me to remove herself. I don't know, I can only speculate. Ironic, that now I'm sort of in an in-between place, feeling like my insides have been burnt out and demolished, but in a way I've moved through a lot of stuff and NEED to figure out a way to rebuild. Either that, or I'll end up going down into myself again. My life is one irony after the other, it's ridiculous.
>> But I also know that it is impossible to get an answer or some consolation or even an acknowledgement of the pain that you go through from the Ts. (yours or mine). For some reason, I think they get frightened or unwilling to help us out when they terminate. And it is quite a torture to the client, but somehow, they blank out on it. I don't know why though.. I would never ever do such a thing.--I wouldn't either, but most T's probably never experienced a bad termination, so they don't know what it's like. If they did, they'd be more vigilant in preventing them. And I know my T didn't do it on purpose, but it still bothers me that she can turn her back on me NOW, when I needed her most. I don't understand that; is that what "caring" is? :-(
>> I don't know really how to heal.. I guess time would dull the pain little bit. So would be worthwhile to try to start with a new T. Or maybe participate in these boards extensively. You don't really have to help anyone here. But you can let others help you.
--Thanks, pinkeye, that's sweet. I'll try. As for a new T....I don't know. I'm not ready yet. I can't start over with someone who doesn't know me, I don't have the energy for that. And I have too much going on to put it in the hands of someone who has yet to figure out who I am and what I'm about, you know? My T already knew all of that. Plus I feel like I can't move on until I fix things with my ex-T. I'm trying to accept that may never happen (in all probability, it won't), but I don't know, I'm stupid and naive I guess, holding onto this hope that somehow I'll hear from her and it'll be right in the end. Maybe I'm just hurting myself more by thinking that, but I can't help it.
>> I am somewhat in the same boat as well and I also don't know the solution too well. But hopefully it will get easier with time.--Thanks, I hope it does for you too. {{{{pinkeye}}}}
>> Regarding the feelings that there is something so much mutual or there are really special feelings between both of you, or thinking that you might be able to help her out of her own hurt - all these feelings, I think every client has. I have felt the same about my ex T also.. But somehow it turns out that it is really my own projection, and nothing to do with him.--True, as I said in my original post, I searched myself too, to see if I was throwing my stuff onto her. I don't think so, though. This will sound nutty, and if someone else told it to me I'd be skeptical, but I've always had a sort of "emotional intuition" about people, especially if I've known them for a while. I can usually tell if they're upset but trying to hide it, etc. And sometimes I can actually almost feel the person's feelings/pain, if it's intense enough. It's a little odd that I'm feeling it so strongly now, when I'm not even seeing my T anymore. So, yes, perhaps some or a lot of it is the way I'm feeling in general about myself and my situation right now, but, also when I was seeing her I felt that she was going through a lot, and wanted to share stuff with me, so I think some of it is really what she's feeling. As far as clients wanting to help their T's, etc, I understand it's a common feeling. It's hard to take all the time and not give back, just as it is for the T to give a lot and not necessarily get as much. But I tried to give my T what I could, given the limitations of our relationship, and as a person, I'm more of a giver/carer than a taker, so I'm more comfortable in that role. But even if she weren't my (ex) T, I'd feel the same. I want to help her b/c I care about her, and even if I'm off and there's nothing wrong (I hope), I still know we had/have a unique connection. Again, if someone else told me they felt that way about their T, I'd think it was transference, etc, too. But it happens, people meet and they connect emotionally or spiritually or whatever. And I think that's what happened with me and my T...It's just more complex because of the way we met, and our roles during the time we had together (t/client).
Sorry, I hope I'm not rambling... :-[
Thanks for taking the time to respond.
I wish you peace as well.sv
poster:shrinking violet
thread:519474
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050622/msgs/520058.html