![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 19 to 43 of 103. Go back in thread:
Posted by Deneb on November 21, 2006, at 20:10:36
In reply to Re: Tell me there's hope, posted by Deneb on November 21, 2006, at 19:50:58
OK, this might be a stupid question, but does anyone here think there is a possibility that getting attention on the Eating Board is somehow reinforcing my bulimia?
I don't think it is, but I can't be 100% sure. I do crazy things for attention.
Deneb*
Posted by adrift on November 21, 2006, at 20:12:27
In reply to Re: Spoke too soon. :-(, posted by ElaineM on November 20, 2006, at 18:16:33
>
> *safe hugs* for (((Adrift))) [if you're okay with that.]
> [By the way, you were having a hard time lately. How's it going these days?]
>Good advice, Thanks for the hug. Im hanging in there. Thanks for asking. How are you?
Posted by ElaineM on November 21, 2006, at 20:30:01
In reply to Re: Tell me there's hope, posted by Deneb on November 21, 2006, at 19:50:58
I've seen purgers have success at stopping (as far as I know of them now). The earlier you treat a disorder the better - better chance at recovery.
Deneb, how is your eating? If you were in the programs I was in (and not on weight gain), they would tell you to be eating more than 1200 calories (thought I can't for the life of me remember how they altered for height),spread out over a day - EVERY single day. Including a portion of "high energy" items. Anything less would be considered a dieting level, and setting the stage for symptoms.You CAN get better. It happens. But you have to want it. Really really want it. Be willing to risk whatever recovery means (for ex, not weighing your dream weight, eating regularly, committing to coping strategies, enlisting more help...)
I seriously think you should either add on a therapist to your pdoc sessions, or increase the number and frequency you have with her now. I would do that first and/or mention it to your pdoc first before telling your mom. She will be able to help you plan what to say to your mom, and how to deal with your family's reaction if it isn't what you'd expected. THough, you know your mom better than me. If you know she'd only be supportive then maybe it's best for you to tell her now.
Purging is so terribly dangerous. It's so instantly destructive to your body. I don't know where you live, but perhaps your pdoc would know of places or programs (they come in different levels too, not only residential) that offer sliding scales. Or maybe your family has good insurance. Ask her to see if she can find out more about local resources for you.
I'm proud of you for wanting to attack this head on. Going into recovery on my own for the first time was the f*cking hardest thing I'd ever had to do in my life up until then. And I was scared sh*tless. But I was truely terrified by what I was doing to my body, and the results I was seeing, and I didn't want to die yet. IF you can't get your purging under control you should probably tell your dentist (though they can usually tell on their own). My teeth got absolutely destroyed by malnutrition - which also happens when you don't allow nutrients to be absorbed (in addition to acid damage from throwing up). It's better to risk a little humility now then have to deal with the root canals later. Bleck. (Root canals & extractions = *shudders*)
((((D))))
blove, EL
Posted by Deneb on November 21, 2006, at 20:30:50
In reply to My bulimia and the eating board, posted by Deneb on November 21, 2006, at 20:10:36
On second thought, "No."
My bulimia is not affected by the eating board. When I purge I don't think, "Now I'll have something to write about on the eating board." I don't think of Babble at all when I binge and purge.
Deneb*
Posted by ElaineM on November 21, 2006, at 20:45:03
In reply to Re: My bulimia and the eating board, posted by Deneb on November 21, 2006, at 20:30:50
>>>>>I don't think it is, but I can't be 100% sure. I do crazy things for attention.
I'm confused now.
!
?
What do you think? What does your pdoc think?>>>>does anyone here think there is a possibility that getting attention on the Eating Board is somehow reinforcing my bulimia?
Plus, I don't know how to theorize and hypothesize an answer to that question while ensuring I'm "civil". I wasn't too good at walking that line before apparently, even when I was attempting to, so I'm uneasy responding to a judgement question like that.
D, what's going on?
Posted by Deneb on November 21, 2006, at 21:10:22
In reply to Re: My bulimia and the eating board » Deneb, posted by ElaineM on November 21, 2006, at 20:45:03
I'll explain in a Babblemail.
Posted by Deneb on November 21, 2006, at 21:21:57
In reply to Re: My bulimia and the eating board » Deneb, posted by ElaineM on November 21, 2006, at 20:45:03
I'm confusing correlation with causation.
I'm grasping at straws to try to explain my ED. Just because I purge more when I come here does not mean that coming here causes my purging.
Deneb*
Posted by Racer on November 22, 2006, at 1:21:06
In reply to Re: My bulimia and the eating board, posted by Deneb on November 21, 2006, at 21:21:57
> Just because I purge more when I come here does not mean that coming here causes my purging.
>
>Answer? Yes, I do think that getting attention on this board is bad for you. And if you purge more when you come here, then yes -- this board is increasing your problem.
I agree with Elaine: get a therapist, or see your pdoc more often. I'd add that DBT would be a good model for you, too, as it teaches skills for coping with stress.
Although I realize that this is skirting the line of the guidelines, you asked what people thought. I think, from watching your behavior here and at another board, that you have a significant problem which you're not dealing with, and that instead, you focus attention on problems that may or may not exist. Maybe if you put some of that energy into facing your underlying problem, the other things would go away.
Also, Deneb, the other thing I've observed about you is that you really seem to be hungry for negative attention -- it's not enough to have attention for being funny or smart, you need to get sympathy of a sort. It's like the breast cancer scare, or now bulimia -- it seems as though you enjoy the sick role, the role of a child, or a supplicant. You don't seem to want to interact as equals with others, if that makes sense?
You've babblemailed me asking if I was ignoring you. Yes, and largely because of a lot of what you've written here on this board. I don't think that getting attention on this board is good for you -- I think you'll continue to engage in behaviors harmful to yourself in order to continue getting attention here.
If you want my attention, Deneb, you can have it -- but only if you approach me as someone who is, like me, reaching for health. As long as it seems to me that you're looking for attention by being "sick," I've got other places to devote my attention.
Peace
Posted by Deneb on November 22, 2006, at 14:58:10
In reply to Re: My bulimia and the eating board, posted by Racer on November 22, 2006, at 1:21:06
Thanks for letting me know Racer. I do appreciate it. I really do want to stop my bulimia and all contributing factors must be considered.
Dr. Bob, please don't get Racer into trouble, I asked my question and I expected a reply.
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on November 22, 2006, at 18:22:16
In reply to Thanks for letting me know » Racer, posted by Deneb on November 22, 2006, at 14:58:10
I don't agree with you Racer. I don't think I'm getting worse to get sympathy. I don't think it has anything to do with Babble. I started purging before Babble. Before.
I suspected that is why you were ignoring me so that is why I posted my question.
How come you don't suspect other people of developing eating disorders just to get sympathy? What is it about me? Do you really think it's as simple of wanting attention?
I have real problems, they're not pretend. I really do try to stop purging. I'm suffering for real.
Deneb*
Posted by ElaineM on November 22, 2006, at 21:12:32
In reply to Actually, scratch that..., posted by Deneb on November 22, 2006, at 18:22:16
>>>>>>I don't think I'm getting worse to get sympathy. I don't think it has anything to do with Babble. I started purging before Babble. Before.
I guess you answered your own question. THough I don't think she ever said that Babble caused your purging.
Honestly, I'm confused. If *I* spefically asked others to volunteer their own personal opinion, then I'd expect others to offer me what I asked for. If I posed a *question of personal judgment* then I'd expect others to offer me what I requested. Considering that, was it just the wording or something that was unappealing then. If some of it was hard to hear, I'm sorry. ((((Deneb)))) You have every right in the world to disagree or refute anything said. I think that if a personal opinion was inserted into a thread without being asked for, that that would be slightly different then what happened here. Maybe I'm missing something - I'm not the greatest with Babble language.
I was just thinking, I don't think that "ignoring" has to be taken as a form of punishment or condemnation. It can also be a form of self-protecting. I think everyone has the right to NOT respond to whatever thread or poster they need to. Personally, when I babblemail someone to ask them for a response, then I would be wanting their attention -- eating disorder aside. She answered when you asked. I don't know.
>>>>I have real problems, they're not pretend. I'm suffering for real.
I didn't read anything I thought implied that you DON'T have real problems, or that you DON'T suffer. I didn't read anything that implied that you DIDN'T have an ED.
I don't know how kosher it is to refer to off board things but, What did you think of the questions that I asked you in reply to the babblemail you sent me? I think it's relevant. I have a few others if you wanted. Though, maybe I haven't given you enough time to respond - it was only last night afterall.
>>>>>I really do try to stop purging.
Changing subjects :) In terms of that, What about my post above D? Do you think any of those would be things you could do to try to stop purging? Wanna talk about the things you are trying already? Maybe some feedback about methods that are failing will help you improve upon them. Are you up for it? I'll be crumpled over in my chair here, all by my lonesome, all day tomorrow if you want to post about stuff like that.
blove, EL
ps. I know it's a no-hug zone, but I'm thinking of you Racer. Hope you're alright too.
Posted by Deneb on November 22, 2006, at 22:46:46
In reply to Re: Actually, scratch that..., posted by ElaineM on November 22, 2006, at 21:12:32
> Honestly, I'm confused. If *I* spefically asked others to volunteer their own personal opinion, then I'd expect others to offer me what I asked for.
I'm sorry. I did expect people to answer me honestly. At first I was OK with it, but then after letting things sink in some more it started to hurt. That's my problem to deal with though. I don't know what I want. I'm so confused I don't know up from down.
> I was just thinking, I don't think that "ignoring" has to be taken as a form of punishment or condemnation. It can also be a form of self-protecting. I think everyone has the right to NOT respond to whatever thread or poster they need to.
I agree. It's difficult to be ignored though, no matter what the reason. I tend to think the absolute worse about myself when it happens. I mean, wouldn't you if you asked the person if it was because you did something bad and you didn't get a response?
> Personally, when I babblemail someone to ask them for a response, then I would be wanting their attention -- eating disorder aside. She answered when you asked. I don't know.
Huh? Not sure what you mean here.
> I don't know how kosher it is to refer to off board things but, What did you think of the questions that I asked you in reply to the babblemail you sent me? I think it's relevant. I have a few others if you wanted. Though, maybe I haven't given you enough time to respond - it was only last night afterall.
You asked me if I'm trying to NOT recover and my answer is mostly no. For the most part I am trying to recover, but you know how complicated these things can get...resistance and all...I still want to be thin sort of thing and yet I just ate 500 kcal worth of ice cream, now what do I do sort of thing...
> >>>>>I really do try to stop purging.
>
> Changing subjects :) In terms of that, What about my post above D? Do you think any of those would be things you could do to try to stop purging? Wanna talk about the things you are trying already? Maybe some feedback about methods that are failing will help you improve upon them. Are you up for it? I'll be crumpled over in my chair here, all by my lonesome, all day tomorrow if you want to post about stuff like that.Right now my pdoc wants me to stop skipping lunch. I should eat 3 healthy meals and snacks. I shouldn't worry about the calories in fruit. I should avoid getting too hungry.
I'm more worried about my purging than binging right now. My binging is not that severe. I've never eaten a whole gallon of ice cream before. Sometimes I purge just to get rid of the being full feeling. I suppose I should learn to deal with being full.
Deneb*
Posted by NikkiT2 on November 23, 2006, at 0:53:42
In reply to Re: Actually, scratch that..., posted by ElaineM on November 22, 2006, at 21:12:32
Deneb,
I think *alot* of the frustration that people show here, is because advice is given and then seemingly ignored.. I know I have stopped posting to you as I only have so much to give these days, and being, well, bascially ignored when I was offering advice to you was pretty hurtful.
Alot of people have said you need more than just your apointments with your Pdoc.. I doubt very much your Pdoc has gne and gne the years of study required to be a clinical psychologist, and that is what you need.. a properly trained therapist. You have ALOT of problems, and sometimes some seem to "occur" out of the blue in order for your to avoid other issues - such as your college work.
I think its a responsibility thing. Until you sit up and take responsibility, and say "I willg o and get the help I need" then some people will be feeling worn down, and frustrated with you.
Racer, and I, have mentioned DBT on many occasions.. I really do believe this is something that would benefit you hugely. Your Pdoc diagnosed BPD, but doesn't seem to be offering you any of the spcyhological therapies that have a HUGE evenidence base as helping with BPD. Meds can only help control certain symptoms.. Meds kept me alive long enough to receive decent behavoural therapy and that was all.
Please, ask your Pdoc about a referral to a therapist and a if possible, a DBT one. Start receiving the help you need in order to start your recovery..
Nikki
Posted by ElaineM on November 23, 2006, at 9:08:23
In reply to Re: Actually, scratch that... » ElaineM, posted by Deneb on November 22, 2006, at 22:46:46
>>>>>>It's difficult to be ignored though, no matter what the reason. I tend to think the absolute worse about myself when it happens. I mean, wouldn't you if you asked the person if it was because you did something bad and you didn't get a response?
True, it is difficult. I've written and been ignored before since coming to the board. The best you can do is figure that, for whatever reason (sensitive topic, not enough time, or even the person's personal feelings about me...the list can go on and on) it's not in that person's best interest to answer me. I wouldn't want anyone to jeopardize their own personal safety (emotional and whatnot) to satisfy my need for an answer. When I get non-responses, it hurts, but I just ask someone else here. I don't think I'd ask someone the reason they "ignored" me if I wasn't prepared for the most honest of answers. I can't fault someone for not liking me, or finding me exasperating, or hating my situation, or whatever else could be wrong with me..... It hurts, but that's their perogative.
D, you have a fair amount of people responding to you here - it's not the most active board afterall. I guess I have similar feelings to Nikki that way.
Okay I'm kinda stuck how to say this .... I *feel* hurt when it seems that only Racer's answers and opinions matter. Lots of people read this board and don't write at all too. I guess I just wondered what makes her so important to you.>>>>> Personally, when I babblemail someone to ask them for a response, then I would be wanting their attention -- eating disorder aside. She answered when you asked. I don't know.
>>Huh? Not sure what you mean here.
Yes, I'm a wording wizard ;-) No, I just meant that since you were asking about only wanting attention, I just wanted to point out, that we ask for alot of attention all the time. In little ways that we don't even pick up on. That it's not a morally "bad" thing. Even writing that original post with the question in it - you said that you wrote it to get *her* to respond. Everything we all write on here is to get attention, I guess I was wondering if it's just better to let things lie, and respond to whomever *does* answer you. Like, is it better to know an answer that's gonna upset you? Or does it hurt less to tolerate being "ignored"? [I meant that rhetorically ;)]
>>>>You asked me if I'm trying to NOT recover and my answer is mostly no.
Well, kinda. I threw out some variations of the question you asked. Saying that the most important thing is for you to search for the honest answer to each one (as best you can) for YOU. And only you. Cause when it comes down to it, the damage from purging is gonna be bore solely by you. Your body and life will be affected by what the answers to questions like that are - so in the end, it's really only important what YOU think about your ED.
>>>>For the most part I am trying to recover, but you know how complicated these things can get...resistance and all...
Ambivalence is normal. But wanting to recover (wanting it like an abstract thing) is different than actively mobilizing to do the things that need to be done to achieve that (or make a d@mn strong attempt). You can't just *want*, you have to *do*. Not just you, anyone and everyone trying to get better from something so terribly destructive.
>>>>>Right now my pdoc wants me to stop skipping lunch.
That's excellent advice. When you're blood sugar drops, then it'll make you crave like mad.
>>>>>I should eat 3 healthy meals and snacks.
Why don't you ask for her help creating an appropriate mealplan. You could schedule a whole session to mapping one out. If she doens't feel she has enough expertise then she could refer you to a dietician.
When you skip meals (not only do cravings increase) your body tends to go into a mode where it'll hold onto whatever calories it *is* given, cause it won't be reliably sure when the next meal is gonna come.>>>>>>I shouldn't worry about the calories in fruit.
Yes, those kind of carbs are good. You need them to be healthy. Synthesized sugars aren't the same. Plus, the nutritional benefits (vitamins which you must replace anyways) far out-weigh any carbs. It's really not that much in fruit anyways - not really.
>>>>>I should avoid getting too hungry.
>>>>>I'm more worried about my purging than binging right now.Yep, another good bit of advice. It's almost guaranteed that when you starve you're setting yourself up bigtime for a binge. THe two actions tend to cycle. That's why it VERY important for you to follow your pdocs advice about eating enough, regularily.
>>>>>My binging is not that severe. I've never eaten a whole gallon of ice cream before.
Sounds like you're describing "Subjective Binges". That's not a judgment on my part, that's an actual term used in treatment to describe eating not a "typical true binge amount", but eating without the feeling of control... eating when you know you're not hungry...eating for other emotional reasons....
One piece of advice I would offer is to ditch the food scale. I can look it down if you want. But its much healthier to learn to estimate portion sizes by recognizable equivalents. Jeez, I can't even recall it right now, but it sounds like this: a portion of **** equals the size of a dominoe, a portion of **** equals the palm of your hand, ....equals a deck of cards....and whatnot.>>>>>Sometimes I purge just to get rid of the being full feeling. I suppose I should learn to deal with being full.
This is why you MUST find someone with expertise to help you. May I ask you a personal question? Are you against obtaining a therapist, or ED therapist? And if so, why? I just think that if your problem is half as bad as you yourself have described then you NEED someone else.
Please ask about more help. THere's so much more behind eating disorders than just eating or not eating, or not retaining food. BUt it's too hard to pull apart yourself. You don't need to do residential, but you need someone.
If there really is even one tiny part of you that wants, truely WANTS, to get better (and learn what's going on inside) then do this one initial thing, and find someone who can help. You can do this for yourself, I believe in you. You can call those numbers. If not, why not. And then we can help you with that too. ((((D))))
blove, EL
Posted by NikkiT2 on November 23, 2006, at 10:24:02
In reply to Re: Actually, scratch that... » ElaineM, posted by NikkiT2 on November 23, 2006, at 0:53:42
Posted by poet on November 23, 2006, at 12:10:07
In reply to My bulimia and the eating board, posted by Deneb on November 21, 2006, at 20:10:36
Hi Deneb,
This is what bothers me about your posts: you waiver between I am helpless and out of control and it's a miracle I'm cured. It causes me to waiver between *do I think Deneb is trying for attention* and *does Deneb really need help.*
Many of us have suggested you talk to your pdoc about helping you find a therapist. That seems to get ignored with each new post. You posted that you wished you could afford residential treatment. I don't understand how you believe that residential treatment might be what you need when you haven't explored any out patient treatment? You said you wish you could tell your mother. I wish you could tell your pdoc and a therapist what you tell us.
Deneb, I'll be blunt: if it's attention you are seeking, posting that you have an ED or cancer or whatever is not going to help the underlying issues behind needing that attention. I think that is what you need to pay attention to, not get attention for. In other words, explore this need for attention with someone who can offer professional expertise.
I can't really answer your question about bulimia and the eating board, so I'll ask a question of you: what did you learn from your experience posting on that cancer site?
Poet
Posted by Deneb on November 23, 2006, at 20:12:11
In reply to Re: My bulimia and the eating board » Deneb, posted by poet on November 23, 2006, at 12:10:07
I promised I would if I purged again. I did. I told.
She told me not to eat so much. She told me I'm fat like my Dad and that I should do more exercise. She told me to eat less for dinner. She's telling me to get off the computer right now so I can clean the house and get some exercise.
I asked her not to buy my trigger foods, like chips and cookies. She told me not to eat so much of them.
:-(
I'm not sure what to think.
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on November 23, 2006, at 20:41:38
In reply to I told my Mom, posted by Deneb on November 23, 2006, at 20:12:11
She supports me in my weight loss. Now she knows how important losing weight is for me. She told me she would pay for me to have a gym membership if I want. I'm going to restrict tomorrow and my Mom will probably support me. Maybe with her help I will reach my goals. My pdoc is wrong. I do need to lose weight.
It didn't turn out so scary after all.
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on November 23, 2006, at 21:01:17
In reply to Actually, it's good I told my Mom, posted by Deneb on November 23, 2006, at 20:41:38
Getting nowhere.
People only getting more upset. I should stop posting here.
My Mom doesn't think having bulimia is a big deal. Don't worry, I will get better despite her.
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on November 23, 2006, at 21:30:35
In reply to Re: Actually, scratch that... » ElaineM, posted by NikkiT2 on November 23, 2006, at 0:53:42
> Deneb,
>
> I think *alot* of the frustration that people show here, is because advice is given and then seemingly ignored.. I know I have stopped posting to you as I only have so much to give these days, and being, well, bascially ignored when I was offering advice to you was pretty hurtful.I'm sorry Nikki. Thank-you for offering your advice. It's up to me if I want to accept it. I'm not sure why people are so upset that I've chosen not to find a T. I'm not ready for one right now. I don't like seeing a T to change who I am. I don't think there's anything really that wrong with me.
> I think its a responsibility thing. Until you sit up and take responsibility, and say "I willg o and get the help I need" then some people will be feeling worn down, and frustrated with you.
I don't understand why people are so frustrated.
>
> Racer, and I, have mentioned DBT on many occasions.. I really do believe this is something that would benefit you hugely. Your Pdoc diagnosed BPD, but doesn't seem to be offering you any of the spcyhological therapies that have a HUGE evenidence base as helping with BPD. Meds can only help control certain symptoms.. Meds kept me alive long enough to receive decent behavoural therapy and that was all.I don't think my problems are so severe that they need DBT. Also I'm not even sure if there is DBT here. I also don't believe I really have a BPD. I also don't feel like doing the work needed in therapy.
Thanks for trying to help
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on November 23, 2006, at 21:40:14
In reply to Re: Actually, scratch that... » Deneb, posted by ElaineM on November 23, 2006, at 9:08:23
> Okay I'm kinda stuck how to say this .... I *feel* hurt when it seems that only Racer's answers and opinions matter. Lots of people read this board and don't write at all too. I guess I just wondered what makes her so important to you.
I'm being immature. It only matters because she chooses to ignore me. I want what I can't have. If you chose to ignore me I would be tearing my hair off trying to get you to not ignore me.
> This is why you MUST find someone with expertise to help you. May I ask you a personal question? Are you against obtaining a therapist, or ED therapist? And if so, why? I just think that if your problem is half as bad as you yourself have described then you NEED someone else.
Not sure. It's scary. I don't like talking about myself. I don't want to change. I want people to accept me the way I am. If I go to therapy it's like admitting there is something wrong with who I am. I think I'm just fine. I don't want to change for anyone. No one can make me get therapy. Everyone can tell me to get therapy, but I can say "No" if I want to. It's up to me and I don't understand why people won't accept my decision.
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on November 23, 2006, at 21:46:35
In reply to Re: My bulimia and the eating board » Deneb, posted by poet on November 23, 2006, at 12:10:07
> Hi Deneb,
>
> This is what bothers me about your posts: you waiver between I am helpless and out of control and it's a miracle I'm cured. It causes me to waiver between *do I think Deneb is trying for attention* and *does Deneb really need help.*I need help, and I'm already getting help. I just want people here to comfort me and make me feel better, is that wanting attention? I guess so.
> I can't really answer your question about bulimia and the eating board, so I'll ask a question of you: what did you learn from your experience posting on that cancer site?
>
> PoetI learned that I can't keep posting that I'm doing badly over and over again or else people will start to get really upset with me. I have to learn to suffer in silence.
Deneb*
Posted by ElaineM on November 23, 2006, at 23:06:59
In reply to Re: Actually, scratch that... » ElaineM, posted by Deneb on November 23, 2006, at 21:40:14
>>>>>Not sure. It's scary.
Didn't say it wasn't ;-) Confronting change is always scary. But there's alot of brave people who do every single day.
>>>>>>I don't like talking about myself.
You talk about yourself *here* - what's the difference for you if it's in person? THat might be a big part of uncovering why it seems scary.
>>>>I don't want to change.
I don't believe that. You've posted many many times here how desperate you are about your eating disorder (at least). You've posted alot about wishing you knew how to interact better with people. You posted that you wish you had something to feel worth about. And earlier in this response to me you said that you behave in an immature way. And lately, you've spiralled in destructive disordered behaviour. It doesn't sound like you DON'T want to change. Maybe admitting that you do would be too hard.
>>>>>I want people to accept me the way I am. If I go to therapy it's like admitting there is something wrong with who I am.
NO that's not it at all. Not "wrong with who you are", "wrong with what you do". You've admitted that you have ways of being that make you unhappy. I mean, I could search out the posts here but I doubt that would make much more of a difference than just saying it in general. WHo you are? a bulimic who needs help for one thing? You've defended the existence and severity of your ED here -- you've admitted yourself there IS something wrong with who you are in that sense.
Therapy isn't some contrived re-programming and personality-erasing, sinister thing. I doubt a therapist would be sitting around wondering how to mould a person into some being-in-their-image.
>>>>I think I'm just fine.
Purging food is fine?
>>>>>I don't want to change for anyone.Not even for yourself?
>>>>No one can make me get therapy. Everyone can tell me to get therapy, but I can say "No" if I want to. It's up to me and I don't understand why people won't accept my decision.
True, you can't be forced. But then you also can't claim that you're trying everything to confront your ED. You can't play both sides of the court. But hey, that's fine. Not everyone has to recover (or approach it the same way, or with the same fervor). And not everyone wants to. Your choice entirely.
And regarding "not accepting your decision" - I can accept it just fine. But at least now it won't be a shock when I can't offer as much "support" as you like then, cause the way *I* interpret this latest string of posts is that, you're telling me that you're not really interested in anything I have to say. And that's totally cool - I just wasn't sure before, that's why I kept trying. Feel a little bit like I have egg on my face now. And in terms of personal decisions, like you've mentioned, people can avoid responding to threads that they find triggering, or whatever. I guess we're in different places in terms of ED recovery for one (and I'll leave it at that) so I'll apoligize in advance if I have to be selfish and take care of myself first, by choosing to not respond now sometimes. It's not a personal judgement - it's just a self-care thing. It doesn't mean I *want* you to suffer or *hate* you. Just means that I can't take part.I mean, if you just want me to post a bunch of bracket-hugs I could. But I thought you were asking for something more. That's all. Sorry if I misunderstood your intentions. But thank you for clarifying where you really stand. [and just to clarify myself, I'm not mad - maybe a little sad, but that's it]
I'll always be ready to post if you ever change your mind and decide you want to work on recovery-type things.
best of luck in the future, and take care D
blove, EL
Posted by ElaineM on November 23, 2006, at 23:15:54
In reply to Sorry, posted by Deneb on November 23, 2006, at 21:01:17
>>>>>People only getting more upset. I should stop posting here.
I don't think anyone is getting upset. Some people are explaining things, but I don't think they are upset. I'd say "trying to understand" more likely.
You can stop posting if that's what you choose, but no one is telling you to stop posting. I think you've been asked to clarify - and you *have* now - so keep on posting as much as *you* need to, and readers will deal with anything you want to say, as *they* need to. THat's it. Clashing of opinions, or styles of communicating, is bound to happen anywhere - you just brush it off, or have an exchange, and then you move on. This is everyone's forum to use - yours too.
Posted by Deneb on November 23, 2006, at 23:47:35
In reply to hope you find what you're looking for » Deneb, posted by ElaineM on November 23, 2006, at 23:06:59
I'm sorry Elaine. Your post made me very sad. It's like you're giving up hope on me. Sorry I made you have to protect yourself.
Maybe I have no hope. I don't want to do the things needed to recover so I don't have hope. Feel like killing myself now. Have no hope. :-( Sorry if I'm being dramatic.
Deneb*
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