Posted by alexandra_k on September 6, 2005, at 5:52:02
In reply to Re: rambelling, posted by alexandra_k on September 6, 2005, at 5:34:28
and the panic
thats whats hard
the panic
it is that...
there is no seeing without seeing as
you can never see things-in-themselves
only things-from-a-perspective
or things-under-an-interpretationand the world of the happy is quite another from that of the unhappy
w.
the perspective / interpretation / lens has changed
and there is a rational lens
clear
calm
logical
precise
and there are a variety of emotional lenses
panic
being one.
hard to describe...
kind of like what happens when you take too much amphetamine...
objects start to look outlined in black
their edges start to look outlined in black
like a cartoon
menace
an ominous air
and then the voices start up
and shapes and forms distort
like they do on a really hot day
when the day is sucking the moisture out of your eyeballs
and it does funny things to the light
and shapes and forms go shimmery and move a bit distorting and writhing
lined in black
and then you know that the panic has arrived
and no matter how much you try and swallow it
swallow it
'its just an emotion'
you can't ignore it.
because it colours everything
it affects everything
and even though you tell yourself
'its just an emotion
its just an emotion'
its bigger than that
its worse than that
it effects you more than that
and you can't think straight
because there isn't any such thing as thinking straight
there is only thinking under a different interpretation
emotion
whatever
and you can't just change the lensno
you have to wait from a few hours to a few days
:-(
and put that way...
put that way...
it hardly matters at all.
but put another way...
put in the context of your life
of how you just want to die
of how you would do anything anything at all to make it stop
its torture.
only made worse by ceasing
because then you are faced with
'see you are alright see i told you so'
till the next time.
i can't believe the horror
i can't believe it
i can't believe that it is emotions
is that really what it is?
maybe its not...
because i can't think my way out of them
i can't think my way out of the black outlines
the distorting shapes
the voices
i don't see that they result from any core beliefsi don't know.
there has to be something to mute this...
trouble is...
can i still function with it?
most probably not...
why am i thinking about a holiday again????
i feel sick
i wish i could get off
poster:alexandra_k
thread:551302
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20050807/msgs/551312.html