Posted by gardenergirl on September 13, 2004, at 13:30:58
In reply to Re: Mummy’s Little Shadow - Triggering, posted by vwoolf on September 13, 2004, at 11:09:09
> You know, GG, what pains me so much is the fact that I have lived with this all my life and have only now, at the age of 52, found the courage to face what happened and find the words for what happened to me.
I think I know what you mean. It took me 37 years to finally get up the courage to go to therapy. Of course that's really not a fair number. I think you have to subtract out childhood years because it wasn't up to us, and we didn't necessarily know about stuff like therapy. But still, I grieve at times for what feels like a waste. My T points out, though, that if I would have been ready sooner, I would have started therapy sooner. So please give yourself some credit for facing it now.
>The events were isolated though, in a sort of bubble, (like those glass bubbles with snow that you shake, you know?)and I found it impossible to analyze them.
I think in some ways this was a way to protect yourself. In that way, it's adaptive. It's only when that protective device starts to cause you distress that you can call it maladaptive.
>And I feel so angry with myself for being so weak, that I couldn't deal with them. I have wasted my life out of fear. I think that is the worst thing for me at the moment.
I don't think at all that you are or were weak. You come by this honestly, via your experiences, which were no fault of your own. It takes a tremendous amount of strength and courage to live with it and to face it. That's not weak at all.Be well.
gg
poster:gardenergirl
thread:389258
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20040828/msgs/390314.html