Posted by partlycloudy on June 16, 2004, at 7:04:53
In reply to children of alcoholics- advice for me as a mom? » partlycloudy, posted by Caper on June 15, 2004, at 22:03:03
Caper, I'm truly impressed by your efforts and desire to protect your son. Your battle is already halfway won.
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> 1. Did I do the right thing in acknowledging the alcoholism? Admitting it, trying my best to explain addiction, telling him he had every right to be angry with me but that I was trying very hard to get better?
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I think so too. My dad never said a single word about having a problem with drinking, at least not to any of us kids. I know he and my mom had many many serious talks about it, but he never pursued medical help or went to AA that I know of.
We're not a communicative family, even now. I think if he had said something to us my siblings might not have had the resentment that they feel to this day. The acknowledgement of being an alcoholic is the best and only way to begin recovery.> 2. Did your parents acknowledge they had a problem with alcohol?
Oops, see above. (I'm not good about reading ahead! I just type and type and type...)
> 3. What can I DO (besides getting sober and staying that way, of course) to help my son or to make it easier on him? I guess what I'm asking is can you think of anything your parents could have done or not done or done differently that would have made it a little easier on you?
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Having some family counselling would be fantastic. When I was in high school I told a guidance counsellor what was going on at home (this was after my grades tanked), and she recommended I attend a support group. My brain isn't functioning well at the moment, it's one of those Children of Alcoholics groups. I remember getting some brochures with lots of coping tips and advice. It was the first time I realized that there were other families out there just like mine. I went to one group meeting. I don't remember why I didn't go back (!) except I bet it had something to do with being 16 years old and going by myself.> 4. I drink a LOT when I relapse severely, but it's a steady, all day drinking. I've never once passed out or blacked out or even had anyone say to me- you're drunk aren't you? Does this help at all? For my son I mean. Are your worst memories those of the blackouts/passing out/doing something embarassing in front of you and your friends (when you did bring them around)?
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You've seen the look in your son's eyes, so you already know he's aware of your state. The few people I have admitted my alcoholism to have been floored. No idea whatsoever. I even fell out of a bar once and landed on my face! After that my drinking pattern went underground. I'm dry as far as the "outside" world knows, including family. I don't drink in bars or social situations. Only when I'm alone and I know I'll have a night by myself to recover do I get down to business. And I have vivid memories of all the stupid things I have down while drunk.Caper - my heart goes out to you. You're a caring mom, you're aware you have a problem, you are trying to recover. That's already more than my dad was ever able to do.
You'll be fine, honest.
poster:partlycloudy
thread:356786
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20040604/msgs/357139.html