Posted by alexandra_k on March 27, 2014, at 21:35:09
In reply to Re: increasing sensitivity, posted by alexandra_k on March 26, 2014, at 20:02:04
feeling a little better today, but still fairly crumbly. fragile. that time of the month so that doesn't help. also feeling fragile re: self esteem etc. labs turning out not to be okay.
i got an email about meeting with the lecturer, too... and i was worried about that. whether it was going to turn into one of those 'we are very concerned about your inappropriate conduct' talking to's that the last place started throwing at me... or... what, exactly...
it started out in something along those lines... but then i made it clear i wasn't going to take that on board entirely... when i said i wasn't happy about her trying to turn it into a disability issue - because that was to try and locate the problem / blame with me rather than consider how the teaching of the course could be improved she looked a little shocked... she didn't mean that... then she said that i was asking for a fair revolution in the way the courses were taught... and then i looked a little shocked, i guess. because i didn't mean that...
anyway... i was still a bit... quck. and jolty. and stuff. so the conversation didn't go the best. but i suppose it didn't go the worst, either. i told her how much i liked her notes and described my ideal way of studying to her... and i think she took some of it on board... in class she said she'd put her powerpoint notes up in case people would rather just listen in lectures instead of trying to note things down... i noticed several people around me (at least) put down their pens at that point...
she said... that she could give me the powerpoints for next week this weekend, if i wanted. to see if i found that they actually helped. she didn't believe it would help me, you see. i thought... and said that i don't think i could let her do that. because i think it would offer me an unfair advantage over the other students...
she said that students preferred to fill in the blanks in class. that that is what their self reported course evaluations were saying... i said that first years don't know how to study yet... people tend to like what they are good at / comfortable with and their way of teaching was much more like high school (not expecting people to preread before class. giving them stuff to jot down so they don't fiddle about with their fingers etc).
anyway... i think she looked a bit surprised when i said about the unfair advantage thing. i said i'd want to mention it to other students and see whether they would think it was fair if i had access to the full notes before class and they didn't. if they didn't think it was unfair... well, then. great, i guess. i can stop complaining and if the lecturers give them to me i'm happy. i really... don't think that they are going to think this is fair, though. sigh.
this does seem to be the way to go about asking them, though. i don't know. i feel... dirty about all this... that i've doen something wrong. ugh. crumbly today...
-- oh... she was like 'oh you are just like some people i know murmer murmer' when i asked about why she raised disability. she had the courtesy to look embarrassed. i basically threw her and she felt ambushed was why she said that... but... people have been yapping. unbelievable. lecture notes are super confidential bits of information that can't possibly be distributed to students enrolled in the course but confidential information about a person's disability... ffs. she said something about multi-tasking... so... that is what the chemistry people think... that i suck at labs because i'm not able to multi-task. that isn't it.
first lab: i sucked because i didn't realise you were supposed to follow along what everyone else is doing and that one or two know how to do one or two bits because they have done labs before. i thought i was supposed to work independently and i was trying to follow the written instructions. trying to keep my eyes off others and not copy, actually.
second lab: i sucked because i don't know how to ask for help appropriately. i'd let the tutor know i wanted something from him and he'd be 'yeah i'll get to you' because of course the happy puppies are all falling over each other to get his attention. i'd leave him be thinking he was keeping mental track of order or people in the cue but no, he wasn't. in other words... i wasn't sufficiently supplicant and smily and flirty enough to get the attention i needed.
i do work slowly. because i have questions about almost everything. i'm one of these people who like to read the instructions before turning on the new toaster. i like to examine the dropper before using it. oh, there are the different measurement markings on it. here are the increments they go up in. oh this is about the pressure you use to suck up roughly that amount and here is how quickly / slowly you can get it to dispense...
where are the corks? i don't see any. shall i ask where the corks are? then wait 10 minutes before realising the tutor forgot i needed something? is it important that the only test tubes left have bits of crap in the bottom of them so i can't see whether or not my solid dissolved? how do we wash it with iced water? can we just stick a cube of ice on it and let it melt while we go do something else (that strategy got ridiculed so clearly not).
why do i suck in labs?
because i can't multi-task. uh huh.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1058481
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20140312/msgs/1063328.html