Posted by alexandra_k on March 12, 2014, at 21:42:52
In reply to Re: happy-ish, posted by alexandra_k on March 12, 2014, at 4:17:46
the lab was horrible.
overwhelming. everything was new. all the equipment and everything. and a lot of procedure. which is easy when you have spent time doing it, but cognitively demanding when you haven't. translating written instructions / verbal knowledge into actions... trying to read between the lines sometimes (e.g., and then what do i do with it - or whatever)...
2 hours in and i'd had enough. didn't get to the write up until the last hour and i'd had enough. my graph was sh*t. i... fell apart, basically. not a little pool of tears... but close.
i just need time... time to practice clamping the thing on the bench... practice pouring... practice. and then to take deep breaths so i'm steadier. and instead everyone is... well... still trying to appear quick and smart and mostly... people get through by following along what everyone else is doing. borrowing this and that to see what everyone else is writing down...
and i don't work like that. :(
at least... we are assigned to our positions for the rest of the semester, now, so that is that. one of the girls next to me is pleasant enough. helpful.i really didn't do very well, though.
note to self:
- do everything that can be done before the lab: before the lab. all those questions and calculations should have been done.
- suck up the fact that i probably won't do very well in labs because i... uh... don't have the social skills to go around peering at everyone elses work etc.
not sure why i thought labs would be a bit more... of a solitary affair. i didn't realise there would be time pressure. but of course i'm thinking of grad school...
i don't entirely know what to say...
i just need to think back... i hated my first english lit tutorial, too. and psychology... hated those labs... the first few... until i got the hang of things. developed a bit of a schema.
maybe next time i'll be able to envisage actually DOING what we have to do. now i have some stuff... where the equipment sorta lives. what it sorta looks like. etc...
i really don't want to hate these.
demoralised.
please tell me it is going to be okay.
:(
i... don't know that i can learn like that... following along what people are doing... med school etc will probably be like that as well... huh... then all the horrible pecking order hierarchy b*llsh*t... i just want to... understand what i have to do and get on with doing it. i... can't deal with sheeple. i... can't. i don't know what to say.
i wonder... if i can get some extra time in the lab, somehow. to practice using the gear. i.. don't know what to say. bio is going to be the same... with slides... with the microscopes. i'm scared.
oh... and people are... well... people are. lots of... helping some people and tryign to screw over others (or not putting them right). i... don't know what to say.
i'm scared about how i deal with being overwelmed, too... get kinda... short. barky. brain turns off.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1058481
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20140312/msgs/1062381.html