Posted by alexandra_k on January 30, 2014, at 22:00:19
In reply to Re: why am i so horrible?, posted by alexandra_k on January 30, 2014, at 19:54:52
i...
can't get it out of my head that i have followers. on twitter... or whatever. stuff i don't even understand.
i do worry that people are following me that way. but i also... wonder sometimes... if my life may be going better because of it. i don't know whether it is unrealistic, grandiose, whatever whatever to think that people may be following me... sometimes it feels like it may make the best sense...
or maybe there just is some kind of order to the world that i don't quite see. maybe this is why people are spiritual. i don't know.
i was wrong about english chick. she isn't the partner of philosophy guy. i mean, she could be his third cousin or something but... whatever... i'm glad, actually...
i think most university support staff come from partners. to solve the 2 body problem. i always feel... some kind of ambivalence... about that when it comes to hires... i don't know...
i wouldn't like to be thought of as a spousal hire. i have thought that certain people were spousal hires before and felt... embarrased for them. even when... they probably weren't. or... they certainly were competent enough in what they did...
i think when i feel upset about things... i just need to spend more time hanging with my friends. social supports. whatever. there was a phil social function that i bailed on. felt badly about... ambivalent about... i really need to invest in clothing... get up the courage to do some of that at some point... just so i can do some of this stuff without feeling too self conscious... am there at the moment. too self conscious to do anythign.
i've realised why people don't leave me alone when i'm shopping. its because i bring my big gym bag so the shop theft people hound me. that is what that is about. i don't think they realise they are deterring me from browsing... and definately dettering me from buying... that my gym bag is actually awful hard to get hands etc into with the way the handles lock etc etc.
good to know, actually. i can do something about that.
had a talk today about foundation program to someone who did it. it WOULD be a good thing for me. yeah. i'm fairly sure. the english tutor was... great. really. someone who i think i could go have a cry to if i needed. the admin person is harder... but i need to get better at genuinely getting along. i mean... what? do i think i won't find people like that in med?????
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poster:alexandra_k
thread:1058481
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20140129/msgs/1060001.html