Posted by Maxime on October 19, 2007, at 21:29:32 [reposted on October 20, 2007, at 0:38:10 | original URL]
In reply to Why not end it?, posted by Maxime on October 18, 2007, at 19:35:39
Thank you for all your thoughtful responses.
I saw my pdoc today and told him how bad things are. I told him I am suicidal and said "that's not an option". Um, yes it is.
Although I have failed several times at suicide and I don't want to fail again. I feel like a failure as it is.
Some people stay for their loved ones. I think I am selfish because I believe that I have stayed around for my loved ones long enough. I would like to think that if I killed myself that eventually people would be happy to know that I am finally at peace. If they really cared about me, then they might find comfort in knowing that I am no longer suffering.
My doctor gave me a note to take a leave of absence from work, but I don't know if I will use it. I don't know what to do.
I life having suicide as an option ... as a way out. Except I am not very good at it.
Every night I go to bed and ask God to let my heart stop beating during the night from my anorexia. Every day I wake up angry with God.
Two years ago around this time of year I made a very serious suicide attempt. I wish it had worked.
poster:Maxime
thread:790238
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20070925/msgs/790254.html