Posted by Gabbix2 on December 29, 2005, at 2:06:08
In reply to Re: sorry about that » Gabbix2, posted by alexandra_k on December 28, 2005, at 22:54:51
>> > Nuh UH..
> hey. yeah. i understand... its hard because you just want them to be nice and seems they can only manage it for a while... then thats it. i went to stay with father and step-mother for a bit when i was 13 and i tried to hide in my room. 'cause i knew they didn't want me there and so i just tried to make myself as small and as quiet as possible. so they wouldn't notice i was there. so i wouldn't be a bother.
>
> but...
>
> they sent me back to my mother anyway. and in so many ways... that was worse than when he left when i was a kid. I'm sorry Alex.
That kind of rejection.. especially when you try so hard to be invisible, or not a bother, it's soul killing, or it can be.because then i really realised that he never would make things better. and up until then... i thought he loved me. i guess i just had to believe it.
that's so terribly sad. I understand that too, I invented stories in my head about my dad defending me from my mom..
And when I was in an abusive relationship (one of many) he'd do something like ask me if I was cold, a basic human courtesy, and I'd take it as a sign of love, of course it wasn't. But your mind has a way of trying desperately to find what it needs.
And don't worry about not responding to my babblemail : )
I have some reading of yours to catch up on.
I had a bad time of it, right after you gave it to me. Everything is okay now, but I didn't accomplish much that week.Yeah, I think putting it behind you is the only thing, the problem is it resurfaces in so many other situations..
((Alex))
poster:Gabbix2
thread:592374
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20051225/msgs/593025.html