Posted by Racer on March 27, 2004, at 15:13:06
In reply to Help with office drama!, posted by gardenergirl on March 27, 2004, at 14:16:09
You know, I've got a million things to say about this, none of which is going to make me popular. I'll try to skim over most of them, rather than giving you my in depth views, in the probably vain hope that I won't offend anyone here.
First of all, there is nothing -- not one single thing -- that you can do about A. A has made up her own mind about this situation, and anything you try to do will only confirm her in those opinions. Trust me, I've been there and there is nothing at all you can do to understand or help her.
For the rest of you, though, you have to work together to overcome the difficulties this situation causes for you. It's not going to be comfortable for any of you, though. No matter what you do, A will accuse you of being unfair to her, and there's no way to counter that argument -- because you *will* have to be unfair to her. To make it easier on yourselves, you can remind yourselves and each other that she herself began this unfair situation. There, you already feel bad, don't you?
My best advice from what you've said is to write up a list of her accusations, explanations such as you've given for what happened and why, and just let her know as neutrally as possible that the situation is impossible, and you're NOT going to engage in it.
For example, regarding the radio, write a short memo saying that the radio was put on that desk based on outlet availiblity before desks were allotted. DO NOT offer to change the radio, to change desks, to do anything to make her more comfortable. Just write down the reason that radio is on that desk. Period.
Spooling documents to printers is a technical issue, and once you log off the computer, it's likely to foul the print job -- no matter what the manual tells you, once you turn off that machine, your print job is likely to fail. Tell yourself that a six year old can grasp the idea that a common printer is not for his or her exclusive use, and that your coworker is therefore behaving as a three year old. Then tell her that if she sets up a print job that doesn't work, she can damn well print it out again.
I'm sorry you're going through this. Working with unreasonable people is very hard.
Now for my politically incorrect take on this: a lot of minority groups -- and I include women in this -- find slights against themselves. I've done it, and I've experienced having it done to me. But the hard fact of reality is this: life ain't fair, and sometimes we just have to do what we have to do, with or without cooperation. Every time I've tried to cooperate in situations like this, it's turned into abuse of me and hasn't helped the situation. My advice? Do as I've done, and adjust your ambitions: my ambition is to become A Bitch. I want to become someone who does not allow herself to be pulled off course in order to minister to someone else's ego. Tell me the job, tell me where I have to go, and then get the hell out of my way and I'll get there. Don't you dare tell me that I have to be "nicer" to the sales guys, tell them that I do good work and I'm not hired to be their nanny. To me, that's being an effective bitch, and that's what I want to be.
Sorry if that upset anyone. It's genuine, it's honest, and it's how I feel. I hope it's helpful to someone. If it isn't, at least it's another perspective. If you do find it offensive, think about this before you respond: It reflects my honest feelings and desires. If you tell me that I have to restate it, please remember that you are asking me to revise my feelings to please you. Are you really sure you want to do that?
If you do ask me to revise my feelings, please state clearly your reasons for believing you have the right to tell me that my feelings are wrong.
Thank you for your time.
poster:Racer
thread:329117
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040324/msgs/329140.html