Posted by tealady on December 20, 2003, at 22:50:51
In reply to Re: Rampant miscommunication? » tealady, posted by tabitha on December 20, 2003, at 21:06:09
> > I don't take as any rejection of hurtful thing to say where you need to put on a protective suit?
>
> Tell you what.. if you're OK with being told you give mixed messages and have mutually incompatible thought clusters coming from you.. how about I just give Larry's post to you as a gift? I find it hurtful, coming after some history of offering sincere statements and having them critiqued as being secretly insincere.
>
> The protective suit is an image my therapist came up with to help me avoid taking others' criticisms to heart, given that what they see is mixed with their own projections. It's up to me to name what's true for me, and reject the rest. For me, communication breaks down when someone rejects my sincere statements of my own feelings and motivations. Beyond that, I'm just wasting energy fighting off someone's negative perception that doesn't fit. I have enough self-criticism. It's time for some self-protection.Tabitha,
If you really find that protective suit helps, then by all means wear it. Whatever helps is useful!
I just didn't read the post that way at all..more that he was receiving the mixed messages...and was a bit relieved to find the communication problem was not all his, in that others may be having communication problems too...just going by what you posted. I thought he was trying to be helpful in telling you how he was perceiving your messages.I was just stating how these posts came across to me.
You have never come across as insincere to me, and I didn't read that in Lar's comments, sigh.
Having one's sincere statements critiqued as being secretly insincere could be hurtful especially if you have not worked it out between you, but honestly..NONE of that came across in this thread, at least to me...and it does seem out of character for Larry.
Don't think I've helped at all, so I think I should give up... but I hope it all works out soon. I didn't mean to hurt you any further.Merry Xmas (or whatever name you are happy with),
Jan
poster:tealady
thread:291123
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031217/msgs/292028.html