Posted by zenhussy on December 8, 2003, at 17:47:19
Ever feel as if you've done something irreversibly stupid?
I'm suddenly gripped with the intense fear that I've flubbed up last week and it will be major hell to pay.
I won't know for a bit yet and am sinking into that stupid spiral of shame.
Things I'm telling myself:
Stupid me for messing up once again.
truth---everyone messes up and messing up does not make one stupid.I'll never be able to fix this.
truth---I do not know whether or not I'll be able to fix this particular situation. I do know that I've performed admirably in the past and do not have any reason to suspect I will not continue to do so.I'm an idiot.
truth---see number one. There isn't a village without one out looking for me.Why can't I get it together?
truth---getting 'it' together is relative. I have major depression and ptsd. Sometimes surviving one day is a miracle in itself. Getting 'it' together is going to have to happen one day, one step, one moment at a time. Reminder to self...first identfy just what the hell you mean by 'it' and then proceed to examine the lint in one's bellybutton. Har.Okay. I feel a touch better after writing out my thinking and some reality---as I see it that is.
zh
poster:zenhussy
thread:287802
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031207/msgs/287802.html