Posted by fallsfall on October 2, 2003, at 16:36:44
In reply to Please help me understand my husband, posted by JJC on October 2, 2003, at 14:09:27
This sounds so difficult for you. I think you are doing the right things - seeing a therapist for yourself is a really good move.
Perhaps you can spend some time researching Depression, there is quite a lot of information online. There are online "tests" which, if he won't fill out, you could try to fill out for him to see if it is likely that he is depressed. Or you can find a list of the DSM-IV symptoms of depression and see if he fits that. I don't have favorite sites, but there are lots of them. If you have trouble finding information, let me know and I'll point you to some.
So he is still going to work? Do you have any idea how that is going? Do you know anyone he works with who could let you know? It would help if you knew that his life was changed only when he is home, or if it different all the time. You say that he has stopped eating. I'm assuming that you mean he's not eating dinner with you. Is he also not eating at all? Is he losing weight, or is he just trying to be anti-social?
Does he have a best friend? Talking to his best friend might help to make things clearer for you.
If you think he does have depression, maybe you could leave a VERY SHORT note for him (if he is depressed, he won't read a long one). Tell him you love him, that you are worried, and maybe include a list of symptoms. Suggest that you could make an appointment with his regular doctor (might be less scary than a new THERAPIST, and they would want to rule out physical illnesses, too). Tell him that you love him no matter what.
When I figured out that I was depressed I was terrified - terrified of what it would mean to my life, terrified of what other people would think. So, be gentle with him. He needs to decide that he needs help.
Best of luck. Let us know how it goes.
poster:fallsfall
thread:264954
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031002/msgs/265000.html