Posted by ksvt on October 19, 2000, at 20:38:16
In reply to Re: Pass on the CNP, posted by Noa on October 18, 2000, at 16:38:19
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> > Noa PS: What do you do to help yourself view depression as an external force? ksvt
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> I TRY (the operative word) to visualize it as a monster/beast, a la Tracy Thompson( I think her book might be called The Beast) and also on a similar idea by the author of Conquering the Beast Within. Often it does feel like a trade off of fear/anxiety vs. depression as part of who I am. But if I can visualize the monster and allow myself to feel angry at it and scared of it and visualize fighting back, it helps a lot.
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> Also, grieving for the lost time, etc. has helped. Of course, I had to get to a point where I could allow myself to grieve as opposed to blaming myslef and engaging in self loathing.
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> I think that if you can create ways to remind yourself that there have been times without the depresion, it can reinforce that "temporary" concept, which you find helpful.
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> It also sounds to me like you are not really in remission, that there is still more antidepressant effect to search for.Noa thanks for being so good about answering my posts. It always seems like you have pretty good insight about things and are able to articulate well. You are definitely the master of the helpful metaphor. Alot of what's been posted lately has obviously triggered something because I had a lengthy discussion with my therapist today about my inability to externalize my depression and to remember myself as at all different from the way I am now. It's very difficult because I can't draw up any positive images for comparison. I think you are correct about my depression not really being in remission. I like to think that it is because it's been going on so long and because I'm certainly more functional and productive, particularly with my work, than I was at my depressed worst. On the other hand, i'm still pretty capable of awful days and lately I've been sort of obsessing about how much I dislike myself, which is, in and of itself, a very self-absorbing activity. It's not really obsessing - it's more just having a generalized in-the-pit-of-my-stomach feeling that I'm never going to get any better and that i've made life infinitely more difficult and complicated than it has to be. At the moment it feels like a real struggle to keep going and I'm sort of at the end of my rope trying to come up with ideas of things which might make a real difference. Keep posting. Not to put any pressure on you or anything, but I get the distinct impression that there are alot of people, like me, who keep an eye out for what you have to say. ksvt
poster:ksvt
thread:990
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