Posted by fayeroe on February 9, 2007, at 14:50:24
In reply to Re: How do you deal with feeling manipulated? » one woman cine, posted by zenhussy on February 9, 2007, at 13:13:02
> >>>Yeah, feeling manipulated - it is a bear - your post makes perfect sense, thanks for saying it in such a cogent way.<<<
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> glad it was readible as the ol' neurons are firing on half power
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> >>>Sometimes I think the best defense for me is not speaking at all. Making myself scarce - because it feels nothing I say will make any difference at all. & in fact, speaking will give fuel to the fire. I feel helpless and become hopeless, which just isn't necessarily real. Or healthy.<<<
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> silence can help in many situations. sometimes it isn't our place or battle to educate when in a situation involving manipulative behaviours....that's when a silent retreat can be helpful.
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> we share that helpless feeling which can of course lead to hopelessness....neither of which are healthy in the sense of overall well being.
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> wish our library had more refs. about this topic as we'd like to find better ways than silent retreat or attempted but fruitless dialogue with a person engaged in manipulative behaviours.
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> this conversation is indeed something with great value for many as manipulation can be so subtle that it takes a while to even realize and put words to the feelings that go along with newfound awareness or refound awareness.
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> for all those who are in the midst or just awakening from....welcome...pull up a chair and share how you've handled this matter in your lives....
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this is a good subject. i've been manipulated by the very best in my lifetime.......mother, brother, two ex-es and others. but when i started counseling substance abusers, i got smart pretty fast. in fact i was known at the hospital for my "bs" radar and was given the worst of the worst patients. i armed myself with all of the information that i had on the patient and then waited to see how things were going to play out. i found it most helpful to stop the manipulation asap and before the manipulator thinks "victory".......privately, i used the "silent retreat" until recently. during the last 12 months, i've spoken up every time i've felt someone is trying to pull something over on me. and some people are so good that it might be a day or two before you catch it. but i always confront. gently, harshly, whatever i feel i need.....that's how i go about it. i sure feel much better about myself.
i feel dumb and used when i've been manipulated and i don't appreciate those feelings. so, i've become very pro-active in that respect. i have the personal right to live my life the way that i see is best. and i protect that by telling the person about my feelings and what i'm doing about it. what they do is up to them. it's no longer my problem......
poster:fayeroe
thread:730710
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20060920/msgs/731435.html