Posted by Lindenblüte on October 16, 2006, at 16:04:56 [reposted on October 28, 2006, at 0:27:28 | original URL]
In reply to Re: Rainydayman is really Icecreamman! » Lindenblüte, posted by corafree on October 16, 2006, at 14:46:57
> Yep, yeah, well, oh h*ll this is hard!
>
> Does anyone know a man that 'will help' me? A better man? Where do I look? I'm always mistaken as a younger woman when go out and then have these before-mid life men calling me and have to tell them to go away.They are all different. Sometimes a sample is enough, sometimes you have to eat the whole pint.
> A lot of this is about Ritalin treatment as a child being 'like' methamphetamine as an adult. Parents get you through school on Ritalin and then just leave you hanging w/ nothing! Meth acts in the same way in him. W/ nothing, it's no wonder he found his own cure, too bad on the streets. Too bad someone didn't get him to a psych when he was younger. But, he goes to NA and is a 'clean' cat walking on the ceiling! He told me last night on phone he could feel his mania subsiding.
It's not too late for him to see pdoc now. He can still get treatment. Curtm has archived posts on the substance abuse board. He has been off of methamphetamines for over a year.
> I've had all types of men. They all want something .. attention, to be complemented, of course sex, a cooker, a cleaner, a wage earner. I've been down that road a couple times. I've always given more than I've rec'd. They must spot that in me, or, maybe I give a lot 'to feel worthy'. That's prob' true. The first time I was told I was 'not good enough' ... I plummeted hard. No one had ever told me that before! I didn't know that to be true! But from my childhood sweetheart ... OMG it must have been true! I'm still running from that ... trying to be better. Always trying to better than normal.(?) Was my nose too big? Were my legs too thin? Was I just a loud mouth when I drank? He told me I didn't 'praise' him enough.
I think that all men have certain expectations from their romantic partners. But it's important to remember that you are partners. He has things to offer you, and vice versa. Honesty about what these expectations are is so important. They can be modified somewhat, but in my experience these expectations are fairly unflexible. A lot of men (& women) will try to adapt and change for each new relationship, but inevitably, they fall into the same patterns of behavior. The best prediction of someone's future behavior is how they behaved in the past under similar circumstances.
It's a wonderful thing- new love- the rush- the dream- the fantasy that your life has taken on a completely new meaning- you are on a new course.... but ultimately it's a fantasy that fades ever so slightly over time in the best relationships. In bad relationships a sudden event might make both parties aware that they are not actually in the right relationship for the right reasons.
Sure, it's important to give and support your guy. I do all kinds of stuff for my husband that I know he appreciates, and stuff he takes for granted too. He does lots of stuff for me too. (in sickness, and in health!)
Just keep your eyes open and think ahead, not just for the next couple of days but for the next couple of weeks, months...
Or, recognize that he's the flavor of the month, and enjoy yourself- but don't get locked into the walk in freezer!!!
yikes!!!
-Lioh yeah- finding a good T? that's a great idea, especially since you're feeling introspective. T's LOVE that kind of stuff!
poster:Lindenblüte
thread:694528
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20060920/msgs/698361.html