Posted by corafree on June 24, 2006, at 18:26:47
My daughter and boyfriend are on their way to the hospital where she will deliver her son, my first grandson.
I am physically ill and the subject line describes my emotional state.
My abusive ex-husband is flying back in just in time to be at her side. She is not his biological daughter. She, and my one son (his only biological child), live with 'Mr. Charmer' one mile from me! (Yeah .. this just gets better and better! Or should I say 'he did' and 'I didn't'?)
He may be re-paying my three children for the violence he displayed in his acts with me, but he has never re-paid me in any way. Unless my friends here see this is also his way to re-paying me? If so, why doesn't it feel like enough?! Am I being too me-me-me selfish?
I could 'hunker down', force myself to go to hospital, but I don't want to see him. I should, but I don't want to see him. I would, but I think I'd be lying to myself, again, and to three chidren, again.
I'm so tired of this ridiculous role-play 'we're able to be civil' game, and can see how it has confused the children.
'Not until recently' did I realize the enormous negative toll my time with him took upon me. We've been divorced and living apart for 10 years!
Am I S-L-O-W, or did I think I was S-U-P-E-R-W-O-M-A-N and no one could keep me down?
This realization has to mean something. I have to understand what is here between the lines because I think (No. I know that if you look close enough amazing things can be realized!) it is part of a key to finding my way back into the real world without fear.
love, cf
poster:corafree
thread:661077
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20060621/msgs/661077.html