Posted by deirdrehbrt on March 9, 2006, at 21:58:32
In reply to is it being selfish or just feeling guilty (long), posted by jazzmine on March 3, 2006, at 17:24:55
Jazzmine,
I'm sorry you're going through all of that. It must be awfull. It almost sounds like he's giving up on life. I wonder if there's a way of reminding him that it's perhaps too soon to do that.You aren't being selfish. Relationships are meant to be partnerships, and when one has the capacity to offer something, they ought to.
In general, men aren't as good at caregiving as women; women tend to be taught these things more than men, but it would have been nice to have been offered some help while you were sick.
When you do housework, do you ask for help? Does he flatly refuse, or are you expecting him to offer? Is there a chance that he thinks you prefer to do it alone?
Another thing that's kind of sad to remember is that he did, as well as you, grow up near the end of the era where house-work was women's work. That might still be part of his way of thinking. Reminding him of just how much you are doing, and that you could use some help around the house would be a welcome contribution might help. Actually getting in motion can help a bit with depression.
I don't know if I can really offer anything of help, but I do care, and I do hope that things start getting better.
One more thing to offer though. With the cancer, there is an herbal aid that can help. It's called Essiac, or Essiak tea. (Essiak is a spelling that keeps a company out of legal troubles with the original) Traditionally, it's four herbs made into a tea. There is good anecdotal evidence that it does help. It can't hurt. I gave it to my daughter when she was diagnosed with CTCL. Along with topical treatments from her dermitologist, she's doing fine. You should be able to find it as either the bottled tea, or as herbs to brew your own in any good natural food store or herbal pharmacy.
Anyway, I wish you well.
Blessings to both of you,
--Dee
Anyway,
poster:deirdrehbrt
thread:615539
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20060220/msgs/618137.html