Posted by allisonross on December 6, 2005, at 15:50:12
In reply to Re: Affairs/Fear of Change, posted by uneeq1 on December 6, 2005, at 15:17:59
> <<anger>>
> I hardly know where to start; I know all about the "religious" stuff (I may have told you, and if so, I apologize for repeating).....I was voted out of my 31-year church membership, because i got a divorceafter 31 years of abuse...www.churchabusepoetrytherapy.com was the result of that debacle. My name was put up on a big screen, followed by the words; CONDUCT UNBECOMING A CHILD OF GOD.
Angry people are very scary people. you CANNOT deal with an irrational person, and an angry person is IRRATIONAL.
Unfortunately the 'church" exacerbates and encourages women to stay trapped in abusive relationships. ic ould write a book on that stuff..
Yes the church stuff leads to abuse, and keeps women trapped. "They' couldn't hold me down. I was always my own person, asking questions, etc.....i stood up (literally) in front of the WHOLE church and read a speech.
They did this to me on my birthday (no less): i said: "Wow, I didn't realize this many people would show up to help me celebrate my birthday!"
They were grim as a heart attack; i was about to be drawn and quartered, and I was the one laughing and making jokes.
I URGE you to get the book that saved my mind, and took me 25 years to find: The Verbally Abusive Relationship by patricia Evans...it should be read by everyone on the planet. Verbal abuse is a global crisis; but no one sees, understands, or recognizes it.
It is soul-murder.
I suggest the book, and then get a therapist who UNDERSTANDS verbal abuse. If they are not specifically trained in it, then you will get even further abused (like that one "therapist" who told you that garbage, etc)......
Most abusers are narcissists (they literally stop maturing at age 11 or 12), so you are LITERALLY dealing with a child in an adult body.
They are full of rage, at needs they believe were unmet as children.
They are extremely jealous and unbelievably terrified---that you might leave them, that is why they try so hard to CONTROL everything
hang in there, sweetie: e-mail me too: wacalice@aol.com
I have had 31 years of experience (and a childhood of the same)
Hugs, Ally
He is not likely to change; you need to get help, and do what is best for you and your children (I know you know this!) Knowledge is power!!! Read everything you can on personality disorders, narcissism, verba; abuse; educate yourself, and then do what you need to. That is what I did.
i was like a one-woman encylopedia/power house, LOL
p> He is an angry person. I worry about him having a heart attack because he is so extreme on even the tiniest of things. For example, if we don't word things the way he thinks they should be worded or repeat stuff back to him verbatim he has a screaming fit and starts lecturing. There is no such thing as a simple, quick conversation with him. He also, because of his religion (used to me mine as well) believes that the man should be in total control of the home and I should be subservient to him. No freakin way. He doesn't lead with the spirit and this is my life too. I will not spend it feeling or being beneath another human being. Like a popular writing I've seen for years says, "women are taken from adam's rib, ....to be at his side" or something like that. Not in front of or behind, but beside.
> I think men and women need to run their homes in partnership, not one spouse above or below the other one. That leads to abuse in many ways.
>
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poster:allisonross
thread:585656
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20051204/msgs/586151.html