Posted by uneeq1 on December 5, 2005, at 2:18:42
I haven't seen this addressed anywhere else on this site so I decided to open it up.
I am coming up on the 10th year anniversary of finding out (again) that my husband is cheating.
He went 10 years without cheating and then did it again. I have tried to save my marriage despite these things for many reasons. I tried because I wanted to give my kids what I didn't have - an intact home. Lesson learned on that - just because it's intact doesn't mean it's healthy or happy. Maybe just maybe it would have been better to leave and start over. I tried to save our marriage because in the beginning none of the kids knew and they loved their Dad. Lesson learned - no matter how hard you try they always find out. My oldest two don't respect him and are angry. They are having relationship problems now that they are older, as I did. I didn't save them from anything. I guess another reason I tried to salvage my so called marriage is because I felt responsible. I bought all of his garbage as to why it was my fault. Some of the reasons why our marriage isn't happy is my fault. But, it's not my fault he chose to cheat. That's his lack of integrity and general "the world owes me" attitude. He expects miracles of everyone else and nothing of himself.
Why am I bring this garbage up now? I am finally feeling better and more like myself now that I am taking good meds for my depession and I am thinking clearly for a change. Won't go into that subject any further as I post in another area on this site for that.
How do you learn to trust your feelings? I find that often when I talk about this situation with the adultery I feel I betray him. This makes me feel guilty and therefore allow myself to feel closer to him. However, once he actually touches me in anyway or kisses me I am reminded that the feelings on my part just aren't there anymore. I know this sounds really weird but it's confusing the hell out of me. My head tells me one thing, my heart appears to tell me another. Then reality happens and it appears to tell me another. How do you know, really know when it's really over? How do you know if it's really what you feel or just emotion?
45 but feeling like a two year old.
poster:uneeq1
thread:585656
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20051204/msgs/585656.html