Posted by allisonross on December 6, 2005, at 5:14:41
In reply to Re: Affairs, posted by uneeq1 on December 6, 2005, at 4:10:30
yes, I think that would be a good idea. Find a therapist who "gets it." Cheating is NEVER okay. You deserve respect, as all humans dol.
Feelings are FACTS....They are not right or wrong, they just ARE.
It doesn't matter what you think you have done or NOT done in being a wife. No one can force another one to behave in any way.
CHEATING IS A CHOICE, just like all behaviors.
I went into a website called character disorders; there were about 83 of them. I checked off about 79 about my ex.....therapists hold out little, if ANY hope they can change. I did my homework; tons of research on narcissism, abuse, etc.
I am the poster child for fear of change, sweetie: I stayed THIRTY-ONE years; always hoping.
I did tons of research, reading and s elf-talk, and then made the decision to get a divorce. I then e xperienced a kind of abuse I had never heard of:Spiritual Abuse; my church of 31 years voted me out with my name up on a big screen, followed by the words: CONDUCT UNBECOMING A CHILD OF GOD. I then had to fight another kind of abuse....something beautiful came from the ashes: www.churchabusepoetrytherapy.com
I was also published: www.psychiatricjournal.com, entitled: The Transcendent Child on Overcoming Verbal and Spiritual Abuse
I've been counseling abused women for the past 10 years; verbal abuse being my expertise (verbal abuse is rampant in our society, and rarely recognized or noticed.) The book that took me 25 years to find, and I believe should be required reading for everyone on the planet: The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans
I read something that really made an impact on me: "Try to let the side that is tryig to save you.......WIN." I did that. I fought with myself for years about getting a divorce.
None of us deserve to be abused or cheated on. THAT is the bottom line. Fear of change is normal, and I fought it for 31 years.
I would suggest also a wonderful book: Too Good To Leave, Too Bad to Stay by mira Kirschenbaum
I cannot believe what that one therapist said. There are some really bad ones.
Stay in touch; e-mail me if you like: wacalice@aol.com
Hugs n Love, Ally
poster:allisonross
thread:585656
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20051204/msgs/586009.html