Posted by Tamar on August 7, 2005, at 18:30:23
In reply to Re: Question about sexual etiquette » Tamar, posted by Dinah on August 7, 2005, at 17:54:21
> You'd never know it from here, but I'm not so good at talking with my husband. Not about anything of substance. Certainly not about sex. It's kind of like with my mother. We talk about things or people but never ever about us. I guess it's not healthy for a relationship, but I've discovered it is much much healthier for *me*.
Well, it's hard to do. There's so much potential for misunderstanding, aggravation, conflict and so on. Plus it inevitably engenders vulnerability. I used to find it nearly impossible to talk to my husband about our relationship. I’ve started doing it in the last few months, but change happens so slowly that sometimes I wonder if it’s worth it.
> I do try to communicate through actions. Like I find sex much less scary when I'm either prepared mentally or I initiate it. Since my husband likes to have me initiate it I manage to do that most of the time. Or I really don't like kissing, so I make sure my mouth is always otherwise occupied. He likes that as well, so it's not a problem. And it's much easier than saying I don't like kissing. Which he actually knows but prefers to ignore.
I don’t like kissing either :(
And I used to hate it when my husband initiated sex. I couldn’t do it unless it was my idea. Now that things are better, I wish he would initiate it but he’s out of the habit. So I feel unattractive because he doesn’t indicate that he wants me. The poor man can’t win.> I guess that's not the best way to go about it, but it's so hard to word those things in a way that sustains a good relationship.
I know.
And yet, if you don’t say anything he’ll continue under the misapprehension that you have no objection to being touched in your sleep. I guess if it doesn’t happen often it’s easier to say nothing.
poster:Tamar
thread:529890
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050724/msgs/538825.html