Posted by Tamar on July 31, 2005, at 17:46:50
In reply to Question about sexual etiquette, posted by Dinah on July 18, 2005, at 20:34:49
> My husband and I were making out a bit while watching TV the other night, and stopped to watch what was going on on House. During this period, I fell asleep.
>
> I came half awake to find that he was continuing the activities despite the fact that he clearly knew I had fallen asleep.
>
> I felt all dirty. But I'm not sure if my reaction was reasonable.Sorry, I’m coming late to this thread, but it’s a situation I’ve been in…
Once (after much alcohol) I woke up in my living room to find a friend was feeling me up. He hadn’t been touching me before I fell asleep, but seemed to think that my sleep presented him with some kind of opportunity. Of course, in my sleep my body had started responding automatically and when I woke up it was with that familiar sensation of ‘Argh! Disgust! Bleaurgh!’
I felt horribly dirty and I actually felt he was abusing me.
So when I read your post I was outraged.
BUT… then I thought about it again, and it occurred to me that my husband loves it if I wake him up by touching him sexually. And the same goes for other men I’ve been with.
So I think your reaction was reasonable for you. And you might want to tell your husband you don’t like to be fondled when you’re sleeping. However, he may have thought you would like it, possibly because he would like it if you did it to him. So perhaps he wasn’t intending to use you for his own ends; instead, perhaps he was intending to make you feel nice. It’s unfortunate that he failed to make you feel nice (quite the reverse, in fact), but I doubt he was actually trying to take advantage of you.
The thing I find hardest to remember is that most men actually want to give us sexual pleasure and enjoy opportunities to please us. It’s unfortunate that men are so often portrayed as being interested only in what sex can do for them. I honestly think that the vast majority of men very much enjoy giving us pleasure, and want to do it as often and as thoroughly as they can. And if your husband doesn’t know as much about your sexuality as some husbands might, perhaps he’s fumbling in the dark (so to speak) in his attempts to please you.
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:529890
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050724/msgs/536081.html