Posted by Susan47 on June 12, 2005, at 13:50:56
In reply to divorce after sobriety, posted by uncle lou on June 12, 2005, at 3:04:39
Hmm. An angry woman.
A change in your life, a big one.
Did she like the status quo the way it was, before?
Was she angry like this in the past, about other things?
Does she blow up at the kids, without apparent cause?
Just wondering ...
Sounds like you're going through hell. It's so horrible to have someone you love being so tuned out. You can't say anything that is right, anything that opens a soft spot in her heart. It's like she shut her heart right down. Maybe she's totally, completely depressed, you know, the way women are after childbirth, sometimes, and we don't know it. She's steeping in anger, she's happy with her anger. Honestly, I don't know what will break it. Maybe it can't be broken. It's quite possible she's hardened herself enough that only someone else could get through, and when a woman's this angry, if she doesn't like the new situation enough, I don't know.. she might go through a complete change of situation in her life, you've already done that to some extent, by being sober. Now maybe she wants to take the reins for herself, maybe she needs to make some major changes of her own. Maybe she sees how different you are, and she's angry because that's what she always wanted to, is to be different, different than what she had when you were drinking, but she stayed for the kids, or for you, or whatever. Now you've changed and she wants what she never had before, either. Now you're finally strong enough that she doesn't have to worry about you or the kids so much, anymore, you know, they're getting self-sufficient as well. Maybe now her life purpose is looking different to her, she's understanding that she might be able to have another crack at herself ...
poster:Susan47
thread:511341
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050531/msgs/511515.html