Posted by uncle lou on June 12, 2005, at 3:04:39
I'm a recovering alcoholic almost 2 years sober following in-patient rehab. Married 15 years, two kids 13 & 10. No history of violence, infidelity, legal or financial problems. My wife has been very angry and distant since I lost (resigned) my job and willingly entered the rehab. Things were not great before, but I was hoping things would improve between us now that I'm sober. It seems that the more I'm improving the more fault she's finding with me.
She's filed for divorce, and I have no choice but to go along with it. Early recovery is so difficult, I don't think she has a clue what I've been going through. I've been telling her that I don't know what she's going through, would like to understand, and have tried to get her back to counceling to help get us communicating again. She says she loves me but 'not the right way' to want to be with me (WTF?) She's told me I had a chance to get my sh*t together, whatever that means, but she can't try anymore. I'm back to work, paying more than half the household expences, do most of the food shopping, cooking, and laundry and am around for the kids more than she is. I'm very upset that she doesn't want to at least attempt to repair the marriage, we have the kids to consider. Our kids are a wreck over this whole mess and I'm angry with her about it. I don't want to stay married if we are miserable either but I can't understand why she won't try for the kids. I love my wife and kids and it breaks my heart to see the kids go through this and being powerless to try to stop it. We live in a beautiful house I built 3 years ago, and neither one of us can afford to buy the other out, so it's up for sale. I told her that I'd like to have the chance to be the husband she deserves after putting ip with my alcoholism for 15 years. I feel I've made so much personal progress in recovery; I now no longer need anti-depressents. She's been shutting me out and doesn't even know the 'new' me. I know she has her own issues from her dysfunctional family, and I would really like the cycle of dysfunction to end with our us and our children. Any suggestions on how to get her to at least try? She tried Alanon but it seems her attitude is "I went to meetings once a week for a year and you still haven't changed the way I want and I'm still unhappy. It didn't work."
poster:uncle lou
thread:511341
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050531/msgs/511341.html