Posted by sunny10 on May 23, 2005, at 15:04:45
In reply to Well, what Is It, though? It's not fake. » sunny10, posted by Susan47 on May 23, 2005, at 14:37:14
yes, for me it's fake right now...
I think about how nice it would be to never have to feel any of these feelings ever again... almost daily these days.
But I know if I said that- boom- I'd be right back in the hospital and I'd probably lose my job.
So I say just enough to get my worries out there and ask for help with them, but I don't say what I've been thinking...
And I suffer from MDD and am a known isolator- why should she believe me when I look away and say "of course I'm not thinking about killing myself"? Shouldn't she know better after hearing what HAS been coming out of my mouth? Yes, I've stayed alive- but I haven't enjoyed it.
Maybe I'm being selfish, but aren't I allowed to expect to have a life I enjoy?
poster:sunny10
thread:499824
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050505/msgs/501788.html