Posted by Tamar on April 20, 2005, at 5:56:22
In reply to Re: Sex again. Sigh. » Tamar, posted by Dinah on April 19, 2005, at 23:31:52
> If I were to describe my "type" I'd pretty much describe my husband. Blonde, crinkly blue eyes, long fingers, gold arm hair curling over the watch band. He just gets better with age. He's much more attractive now than he was in high school.
Well, that’s a good start!
> He's got a lot of the personality qualities I find sexy too. Integrity, wit, intelligence. He used to use his humor a lot more often than he does now, but he's still a funny guy.
Also a good sign, I reckon.
> I will say that our marriage functions best with the communications kept at a relatively polite level. When we delve deep, we tend to get in trouble. Because despite our similarities, which tend to be glaring, we have some fundamental differences in emotional styles that would be a problem if we looked closely enough at them.
And you’ve lived with these differences for some years. So you’re used to it.
> So I don't think being too honest is a good option for us. My therapist thinks that's sad. I'm not so sure.
Well, there’s no point making life too difficult. But then again, there is this one area that you seem to feel isn’t ideal, and if talking honestly about it isn’t possible, then it looks as if you need a one-person solution to a two-person problem. And that’s difficult, though probably not impossible. It does mean, though, that you have to do all the work and he gets a sizeable portion of the reward. However, you’re clearly a generous person, so I’m guessing you wouldn’t resent that.
When you described the physical problems with sex as hard wired, it really struck a chord with me. I don’t think my aversion ever went as deep as the aversion you describe, but it did feel hard wired.
I could tell you some of the techniques that worked for me – I dunno if they’d work for you. And I should say that my sex life isn’t perfect, but it used to be awful and now it’s enjoyable, so that makes a great deal of difference to my marriage. If you think hearing my story could be helpful I’d happily share it.
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:474222
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050325/msgs/486854.html