Posted by University on February 5, 2005, at 14:40:59
In reply to Re: Too bad to stay, too good to leave, posted by dreamseeker on February 5, 2005, at 14:01:15
> When I read your thread, it took me back 20 years. I felt the same way you did about my husband, which I "love" but am not in Love with. There is a distiction. We can love someone and not be sexually attracted. I just left my husband of 20 years because of the same problem. I waited that long because I didn't want to hurt him. Believe me it hurts a lot more later and there is NEVER a good time to do it, either.
Wow. I hope you're O.K.--I know all too well how much it hurts to be on your side of the situation. It's a special kind of hurt, too, because there is a tendency for everyone--you, your mate, your friends, your family--to feel NO sympathy for you. Moreover, you're seen as the "bad" one; the one who ruined it, the one who deceived, etc. etc. Anyway, those are all of the feelings I ether feel now or anticipate feeling. I hope you don't fall into this trap.
Remember that, although you weren't perfect, your husband is an adult, and at least half of the "responsibilty" for making the relationship work--or ending it--was his.
Did you ever cheat on him? I'm so tempted to, but I haven't and won't. I feel guilty enough as it is :( He's one of those ultra-kind, child-like, simple (not simple-minded), and all around good guys, which makes all of this, of course, even more difficult. Plus, he'd be content to stay the way we are (not a lot of passion, sex, ect. --at least on my end) indefinitely. That's part of his simplicity, I think.
Over 20 years, weren't there times it was obvious to him that you weren't in love with him?
I'd love talk to you more about it if you'd like; I really empathize and sympathize! And I presume you're probably in at least a bit of emotional turmoil right now--so talking always helps :)
In any event, thank you for sharing your exp. with me--I really appreciate it ANd your advice.
JM
poster:University
thread:445080
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20041223/msgs/453654.html