Posted by 64bowtie on December 23, 2004, at 17:42:46
In reply to Re: letting go of parental influence » retrojen, posted by AdaGrace on December 23, 2004, at 7:52:56
Ada,
...can you picture your Dad's demons...? ...and most important, pretend you are seeing the demons through his eyes. I did this with my Dad in 1988. I had a sitdown over coffee at a local Denny's with him.
After three hours of twists and turns in the conversation, I was able to let him know that it was easy to care for him from that point on, since I could now see how he looked at the world, and, "...you are always going to be my Dad!" He sat hands folded on the table, blubbering in tears for the next 10 minutes...
His tears are a cherished memory for me even though they're not personally gratifying; they're afterall his tears. My complicity in our estrangement till then, was arrogance; a kind of vein-ignorance. As I stepped aside from my "gimpy" self, I was forever able to make amends... and always mean it! And, I still do today!
Rod
poster:64bowtie
thread:433168
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20041223/msgs/433488.html