Posted by retrojen on December 23, 2004, at 0:01:03
When I was in my 20's I thought I had examined my relationships, confronted my isues and let go of anger toward my family.
Now I'm in my late 30's and am dealing with a short marriage that will most likely go from separation to divorce.
Over the holidays, I'm realizing how my husband's warning behaviors went unnoticed and escalated into extreme problems before I asserted myself and got out.
I now see how all my life I had to sit and take the behaviors of my father and stepfather- the moodiness, criticism, overcontrolling , overly sensitive, projection, externalization of blame and insecurity, and take it passively.
As an adult, I married an even worse version, and convinced myself that I could "work it out " with him.
Now I'm at home for Xmas and THEY'RE STILL DOING IT. My mother even laughs and calls my stepfather King Baby. He gets away with being a real a-hole whenever he feels like it and we all
have to take it.Before I got married, I was able to laugh it off and feel like I could let him be who he is and not get hooked.
But now I see how've internalized those patterns and am replaying them in my life away from them.
Yes, I got some intellectual understanding and forgave them and moved away, but I never really freed myself from the past.
How do I free myself? I am in therapy now. What's the process of truly letting go and creating healthy relationships?
poster:retrojen
thread:433168
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20041207/msgs/433168.html