Posted by adam canada on December 19, 2004, at 2:29:05
In reply to Re: Very alone. My story. I dont feel normal » adam canada, posted by Shortelise on December 18, 2004, at 17:11:31
> Adam, I am 28 years past 21, but I would have LOVED you when I was that age. The "macho" guys were full of excrement, and I was always drawn to men who didn't wear that mask.
>
> I was very beautiful, and chose a man who is by no means handsome. Or macho. He's a big, bearded guy who is as gentle as they come. He sleeps with a stuffed animal. He's 50 years old. He's masculine but not macho.
>
> I think when you get to know others, you'll find many are like us. I honestly don't think I know anyone who would say "I am normal" in any general sort of way. I mean, I may be a normal in lots of ways, but I don't feel like a "normal person"... oh, it's hard to explain, but do you see what I am making a poor attempt at saying?
>
> Because you are thinking about these things at so young an age, I think you'll learn, you'll work at learning how to relate to people more easily, and I think you'll find love and friendship. And I could really relate to what you wrote.
>
> I hope you have a good therapist on your side.
>
> (((Adam)))
>
> ShortE
>
>Hi. Thanks to you and others for the kind responses.
I suppose the girls my age are the kind who go for the macho bad boy type. Perhaps I will have more success with older women in the future. I always have respected older women more than the younger ones. There's a long road of maturity for many of us at this age. You continue to grow every year intellectually. Perhaps it takes many years of being with macho scum for such girls to start seeking other kinds of men =). I dont know. I just wish I could find some nice affectionate kind loving girl who would appreciate me for me.
The one girl I ''loved'' was just an online thing. It was cute. Wonderful. She was wonderful. Everything she would say would be the most beautiful I could ever imagine. It was like she was a goddess in my eyes. I just wish the promises she made would have feld true and we could have been together. I trully did love her. Not to say we ever met in person. Because we didn't. I wish we did. But she had to lie and left me when I was in my worst state... feeling like i was dying in the hospital.
This may have been 2 and a half years ago but I still think about her from time to time a lot. She was so special despite what she did at the end. It was the time we spent talking endlessly ( when I was healthy ). It showed me how much beauty there was in the world. Someone so seemingly perfect. That there actually was someone like me out there.
She accepted me for me. And that was one of the most important things of all. Because until then no one wanted anything to do with my feminine type inner personality.
She may have been one in a million. I just wish I could meet someone again. I want someone to love and adore.
I just hope it can happen for me.
I will respond more to people's replies in the next few days. I have to go to sleep now. Thanks everyone for being here.
poster:adam canada
thread:430143
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20041207/msgs/431544.html