Posted by sunny10 on October 28, 2004, at 14:58:56
In reply to Re: my wife just left me..... » dazedandconfused, posted by stresser on October 27, 2004, at 20:13:36
> Hi, I just read your message and I'm am truly sad for you. I feel your pain, because I went through it many years ago. You need to know, and this means alot, that she loves you. My first husband didn't still love me, so the question of us working out wasn't an option. Everyone makes mistakes, over and over, so don't let this get you to where you feel like it's completely over. Have you been to counceling together? I think that can be the biggest help, but you need to find the right therapist. Having read your postings, it seems as if she isn't sure that it's over. That gives me hope for you both. Did you say you had put on weight? Meds. do that to many people, don't let that get you down so far that you don't put forth the effort to make it work with her, if that's what you want. Beauty is soooooo skin deep, and at 42, it means nothing to me in chosing a partner. You seem as if you truly love her and I think maybe she knows that, so give her some time. (that's the hardest part) I'm the type person who wants and immediate answer, a quick fix, and sometimes the BEST for you isn't a quick fix. You ask why, well I do to....I just know that now I am married to a wonderful man (18yrs) and would have never at that time thought I would be. Take a deep breath and try not to panic, we are here to listen and help you through this. Agreed? -L
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I agree COMPLETELY with stressor.
Your wife SAID you weren't good for each other RIGHT NOW. And it sounds like she is right. She needs to take control over her migraines- you need to take control over your meds. Yes, this is just IMO, I'm not a therapist or pdoc, but I'd say that if you feel that you NEED to self medicate by getting drunk, you need to talk to your pdoc.
Do that WHILE you set up an appointment with a marriage counsellor. Show your wife that you love her, too, by trying to fix what's wrong. She will see that you are trying, and hopefully she will try, too. My stepmother suffers from migraines and acts impossibly hostile to others while suffering. Does your wife do that to you? Do you tend to drink more to escape her hostility? (don't let me put things that aren't true into your head- this was MY reaction) Maybe, in a safe counselling atmosphere, you can explain to her how living with her illness affects you (even if it's not what makes you pick up that beer). Give her equal time to tell you how SHE feels about living with YOUR illness.
Neither of you are guilty of being bad people. And even in your pain, you passed along enough info for us to see that she loves you, and you love her.
Best of luck- we will support you as your cheerleaders 100% !
-sunny10
poster:sunny10
thread:407443
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20041015/msgs/408432.html