Posted by sunny10 on October 14, 2004, at 14:09:13
In reply to I still feel the same...., posted by AdaGrace on October 10, 2004, at 22:08:21
I'm so sorry it took me so long to get back to you... I'm coming off Effexor and have the most awful brain shivers, I guess they're calling them here...
Today is the first day that it goes away for a little while and gives me temporary relief just by subsiding for a while. Exhausting...
Honey, it takes a long time to get over a hurt such as this. You have to focus on the fact that this was a love affair only in your perfect world dreamland. I know, I'm sorry to lay it out that way, but the fact is, the OG KNEW you were married, KNEW that you had a lot of issues going on, and that the marriage was not going to break off anytime real soon. He used you. I'm sorry to be blunt. I want you to be able to look at the very hard, real side of the love affair. You are obviously a good-hearted, loving, sweet woman. Any man would be a fool not to love you if he were free to love you. But your marriage made him "not free" to love you completely. It was therefore a lot easier for him to walk away.
So stop focussing on him. Please focus on YOU. You are a nice person, a kind person, a big-hearted person. I KNOW this to be true because you would have left that husband a long time ago if "breaking up the family" came easy to you. It doesn't. That shows me that you are kind, sweet, AND really hurting.
Focus on YOU for a while. Take long baths, walks in the park, whatever you do that makes you relax and be able to see what is beautiful in this world. There's a good reason that people say to "take time to smell the flowers". There is a great big, giant, beautiful world beyond our eyelids. Try to focus on that for a while. Let beauty fill your eyes, so peace can have a chance to worm it's way in. That is what my therapist told me to do when I was suffering exactly as you are now. And it worked. It took time, forcing myself to do so-called enjoyable things that I wasn't enjoying even while doing them. But I kept doing them, anyway. After a while, the hot bath DID soothe my aching stressed out muscles, the sunshine DID come out from behind the clouds as I walked. The flowers DID smell pretty when I lowered my nose to them.
I have to be honest, it took me about nine months to feel better (hmm, as I wrote that, the analogy of re-birthing myself suddenly came into my mind).
And talk. Talk to all of us here, let us support you in YOUR time of need. Your turn to lend support to someone else will come later, like the rest of us.
We're all here for you, take care and talk to us...
(((((((((HUGS))))))))))))sunny10
poster:sunny10
thread:399932
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20040917/msgs/403008.html