Posted by AdaGrace on October 7, 2004, at 9:44:29
Well, first off, I did something very stupid last week.....tried to burn brush with gasoline and a lighter. Second Degree burnes on lots of areas. However, that is not the reason for my post.
As a result of my accident I have been on some pain meds and I think they are having an adverse reaction to my anti-depressants. I have been extra weepy this past week reminissing and remembering the "other man" who ditched me and caused this nervous breakdown I am in.
Husband has caught me crying for what appears to be no reason several times this past week. No need to worry about the Big "O" at the moment, can't have sex with all the pain and bandages anyway.
And the second stupid thing I did was to send an e-mail to the other guy telling him what happened, not asking for sympathy, but to inform, afterall, I would want to know if something happened to him. NO RESPONSE. didn't expect one, but hoped for one just the same.
Third stupid thing I did was to call the other guy this week on his birthday and left a message telling him happy birthday.
I feel like an idiot, started to hate my husband again, and crying all the time again. Wishing for a different life. Fighting with husband over kids not helping enough. Feeling inadequate. Feeling ugly again......face is really better now, but still feel like it looks horrible. Gained 5 pounds this week eating food people brought over.
I just can't seem to get it together now. I am back at work, missing the other man, wishing my husband was dead, and wanting to get in the car and drive, drive away from everything.....drive to the "OG" and beg him to take me in......leave everything behind.
Is it the mix of meds? Lexapro & Vicoden?
Is it the "OG" birthday?
Is it the lack of response to my plea for sympathy e-mail....because even though I said I wasn't, it really was, wasn't it?
Is it that everytime my husband tried to comfort me or change my bandages he bungled it up and ended up hurting me....
Am I doomed to miss this man forever and think that because of what happened that I am no good, stupid, ugly, not worth anyone's love?
God, I need to go back to therapy........
poster:AdaGrace
thread:399932
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20040917/msgs/399932.html