Posted by Miss Honeychurch on September 24, 2004, at 12:42:25
In reply to And..., posted by AdaGrace on September 24, 2004, at 11:22:05
Ada,
I think its admirable you want to try to make your marriage work for your children. I think a lot of people would just say screw it and leave.
PLease don't feel bad or like a loser by going to therapy. When I first started therapy I felt much like you, pretty ridiculous. BUt he asked if I had a broken ankle, would I see a doctor? Of course I would. So why do I not give my mind the same respect? Looking at it that way really helped not feel so stupid. Really, if you have a competent therapist, it will change your life. It is really an interesting journey. However, my T warned me the first time I saw him that many times marriages CANNOT survive therapy, mainly because many times the marriage is based on the illness of neurosis of the other person. And once that starts getting better, there is nothing to base the marriage on.
But here's my 2 cents. I think that the first place to start in all of this is with YOURSELF which is what you're doing. I'm not sure you would be able to 100% look at your marriage and what you want out of it objectively until you begin to get yourself together. This would include self esteem problems, drinking problems, etc.
For me, therpay has helped me clarify what I want out of life. Hopefully, it will do the same for you and you can approach the situation with your husband from a logical approach.
20 is pretty young to get married, please cut yourself some slack on this. And I sort of take it as a good sign that your husband wants to know what you talked about with your T. Do you feel comfortable telling him? Do you think he is being genuine when he asks or does it sound more like he's asking what the quack had to say?
poster:Miss Honeychurch
thread:394048
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20040917/msgs/394535.html