Posted by alexandra_k on September 24, 2013, at 0:59:48
I got one. For the 26th.
I need to not get my hopes up. But then, I say that every time. And every time I inevitably do (or why would I bother showing up for them). And then every time (or most of the time) I'm disappointed. Fairly devastated, actually. Then even the times I'm not, the disappointment only comes later. Down the track when what they are doing is harming more than helping (trying to teach me 1960's functionalist theories of the emotions or running through their toolbox of 1960's time-limited cognitive-behavioral strategies). Or 3 months down the line when they finally manage to get the hell away from this little freak show of a country. Or... Whatever.
I think... Whatever it is that they are getting from my file notes... Is a big red flag: Don't let her get attached to you. So they try and brush me off... Sheepishly. I guess I was a bit mean to the doc before... She is only trying to save me pain down the track because she realizes there is nothing she can do for me. And... I should appreciate that. Because it is worse when people think there is something they can do... And it turns out they only hurt me worse.
But then... Some docs did manage to see me... In a time limited way... And it was hard when they left. But not so hard as to make it not worth their while. Three months here... Three months there... They did the best they could do and it turned out to be good enough. It was the other cases... When the language barrier was too much (I see now). When they weren't able to listen to me (e.g., explaining about how I needed a couple more hours for discharge or a medical certificate about the exam). But that misunderstanding... Nobody wants to work with me now. Psychology terminated me (poor match) 'I can't help you, therefore nobody can, I reccommend you get no assistance at all'. Hospital. Depo injection. Not able to read. Discharged hours before my (one and only) final exam. I tried to explain about the exam...
'If you fail that's ok! You can do it again next year! Get better mark!'
F*ck*ng idiot.
Why do I put myself through this?
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1051233
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20130807/msgs/1051233.html