Posted by 10derheart on December 21, 2010, at 15:59:32
In reply to Re: ((((10derheart)))), posted by annierose on December 21, 2010, at 14:22:51
> Perhaps this is a piece to the puzzle. I didn't know you began seeing a t in your current hometown/new state. Perhaps when your former t knew this, he decided that it was a good time to close the door and let you move on to the new therapeutic relationship.
No, he unilaterally terminated me in an email one hour before a scheduled session back in Feb. Or at least that's what I dragged out of him in the phone call, through my shock & tears since he would *not* come out and say he was ending therapy, but only that he'd become too connected to my life and preoccupied with me, etc., etc. And that he had no answers and I would have to wait (undetermined amount of time) till he figured out what to do. Within a week of that I started seeking a T. to support me through this shock. So I'm saying the order of things was the opposite of what you wrote.
I know it's convoluted because I have not told the whole story chronologically here - yet. I want to and hope to soon. I just know the posts will be ridiculously long and I also dread it in a way. But I'll have to if I want anyone reading to understand. In a nutshell, what my female T now thinks in general (though she is quite baffled at some of his mixed messages) is that he blurred the boundaries between T and friend/buddy so much for so long, caring so much he wanted to be there for me no matter what so I'd be stable when I moved here (2008-reluctantly), then eventually he realized it was unhealthy for us both to go on this way (phone therapy indefinitely) and tried to pull back, but had NO CLUE *how* exactly to do that. There the fumbling, bumbling and harm started as he both tried to get me to detach from him while simultaneously saying we did not have to say a final good-bye. It's a fair assessment but there is a lot more detail....
> Obviously he handled it poorly.
Yes, and that's an understatement. But oh he has tried so hard to do things right and even sought supervision and is SUCH a kind and good man that it is hard for me not to feel as badly for him as I do for myself. Well, almost. I adore the guy, in case anyone hasn't guessed. He is so very humanly flawed, just like me. And therein lies the conundrum with therapists having flaws and weak areas - this very genuine, authenticity is what made my healing with his help possible, yet it also is such that he - frankly - screwed up attempting to draw therapy to a close and hurt me badly. And now (I will explain better later) is doing almost a repeat of last year, out of the blue **again***....
>> And everyone here has so much wisdom in their posts, that I'll need to bookmark this thread so I can re-read them when I feel that kind of inner punched in the stomach hurt from my therapist.
I agree completely.
> I am happy to know that you sought a new support system for yourself.
I had to. I was drowning in grief and confusion.
> You are stronger than you realize.
I don't think so, but in my belief system God is strong enough for everyone, in everything, all the time, so that is where I have to focus. I cannot do this relying on me, me, me.
MDD (presently in complete remission); ADD-Inattentive type; mild anxiety (not fomally dx'd)
Meds: Strattera 80 mg q day
poster:10derheart
thread:974055
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20101115/msgs/974218.html