Posted by pegasus on November 8, 2010, at 15:37:06
In reply to ? for long term therapy folks... Dinah, Lucie, etc, posted by workinprogress on November 7, 2010, at 1:11:55
This thread brings up so much for me, and it's all so jumbled in my head. But there are a few, poorly organized thoughts I wanted to throw into the mix:
- I, too, had a somewhat emotionally neglectful childhood, although my parents would be horrified to hear me say it. I was a pretty moody kid, and they tried to ridicule my moods out of me. Which was damaging in a lot of ways.
- I became very attached to one therapist I had, and was completely devastated when he decided to move to another state. I had another long-term therapist after that, to whom I didn't feel any attachment, although I think we did some good work together. I never think about her now, but I think about that earlier therapist a lot still. I'm starting with another T now, and I can feel the attachment forming. Our therapy is so far all about my want/fear tug-of-war in terms of becoming attached to him.
- I have a few really good, stable relationships in my adult life, including a very supportive spouse, who has been there through all of my adventures in therapy.
So, these experiences bring up lots of questions around attachment for me. Things like:
? Why do I attach so strongly to some people, in some circumstances, and not to others.
? Do *I*, personally, need attachment to a T for some kind of growth that I'm wanting? What about that other T I had to whom I never attached? Could I grow as much in that type of relationship?
? My husband is the poster child for steadfastness in a relationship. I've been with him for decades. So, why do I still seek (and sometimes avoid) attachment to a T? Why isn't my marriage the corrective experience I seem to be seeking (ambivalently).
? Is therapy the best place to look for whatever can come from deep attachment? It didn't work out so well for me when my ex-T moved. Ts move, change their practices, get sick and die. Read here for a while, and you'll run into many stories along these lines. Am I courting disaster by getting attached again to someone who is not family? Or is the benefit worth even that possibility?
? My current T says that ideally therapy will end when the client is ready for it to end. But isn't attachment permanent? If so, is the attached client truly ever ready for therapy to end? Or does it just become less feasible to continue - which isn't at all the same thing.
? I have met therapists and entire agencies who have no idea about attachment. That is to say, they don't understand their importance to the client. Consequently, they take far too lightly things like transferring one Ts clients to another T. WTF? Isn't this a critical piece to "get" if you're going to do therapy? Why is it handled so lightly?
Sorry if this is not helpful. I don't mean to rain on anyone's parade. I feel like I'm wallowing in pretty murky waters with attachment. It's not so clear at all to me that it's a good thing, as it seems to be to some of your Ts. Although, I'm open to being convinced that it is.
- P
poster:pegasus
thread:968902
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20101023/msgs/969250.html