Posted by workinprogress on November 7, 2010, at 1:11:55
Hey all. I have a question, particularly for those who have been in therapy for a long time..
I've been in therapy for over 3 years pretty intensely. I started once a week, then twice, then three times, then finally went all in and just see her most days... she only works 4 days a week. The reason for adding the days was intense struggle over attachment, that's ongoing. I've had such struggle attaching and not being afraid of her going away. From somewhere mid-first year to now, she's been a worm in my head. My most important times are with her. I look forward to our sessions more than anything else. I struggle with weekends (I'm single) because of the three days of not seeing her. It's a big deal for me to figure out how I'll get through the weekend. Much of my worry about getting through the weekend is worry about needing/missing/yearning for her. I beat myself up over it. I'm just now finally getting to a point where I'm ok with needing her. Mostly. But I still get freaked out and still start thinking self-hating things about myself and worry she won't like me (because I think she feels them too). I know that's dysfunctional thinking, so I can correct the thinking, but I'm still *feeling* uneasy and unsure.
Anyway, the other day she said, "I'm available for a secure attachment... I'm here and available and I'm not going anywhere. The only thing that stands in the way is your worry/fear that I'm not/that I'll go away or reject you". That seems so simple. And I so want it. But I can't seem to do it. She'd say it just takes time, but it's so frustrating.
I guess what I'm looking for from you is guidance/reassurance that it can happen. Daisy, Dinah, and Lucie, you all seem to have achieved some level of security in your relationships with your therapists. Did you have a similar struggle? I so so want to attach and settle in and get comfortable. I want nothing more than that, and I don't want to be afraid (in my head I know I shouldn't be). Can you offer any words of advice? Can you share your experience/journey in this realm? I'm just feeling really stuck and alone and I'm hoping you all can offer me some solace.
Does this make any sense?
Anything you can offer would be so appreciated...
Thanks
WIP
poster:workinprogress
thread:968902
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20101023/msgs/968902.html