Posted by lucielu2 on November 7, 2010, at 19:08:51
In reply to ? for long term therapy folks... Dinah, Lucie, etc, posted by workinprogress on November 7, 2010, at 1:11:55
Hi WIP,
I really hear what you are saying because what you are describing could have been me at year 3. Now in year 8, I finally feel secure in this relationship. My T has been the same throughout, always available, offering of himself, steady and supportive. Always trying to show me that he is reliable and that it is safe to attach. The struggle for me was epic... and all inside me, because my T was always there for me. It took me almost 7 years to reach this point of secure attachment. Perhaps it would have been sooner if I'd been seeing him more than twice a week but he wanted to keep it to that, believing that I wouldn't be able to tolerate the heights of ambivalence that would have created. Now I realize he was right. I think that what you are feeling right now and suffering from is the intense pain of ambivalent attachment - desperately needing it, yet also needing to run in the opposite direction from fears associated with it. The pulls may be equally strong but in opposite directions, immobilizing you in a loop of endless anxiety and longing. I would not have been able to tolerate 3-4 days a week, as you are doing, but your T might be thinking that your longing might win out over your fears if you see her more frequently. The more meetings you have per week, the stronger the transference gets and the more ambivalence you may feel. Where is the balance best for you while you are doing the internal work you need to be doing to be able to attach?
Those were really difficult years for me (years 3-7, I'd say) but it is more than worth it on the other side to finally know what security in a relationship feels like. I'm happy to talk to you more if you want to Babblemail me.
Lucie
poster:lucielu2
thread:968902
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20101023/msgs/969033.html