Posted by Dinah on November 7, 2010, at 10:40:48
In reply to ? for long term therapy folks... Dinah, Lucie, etc, posted by workinprogress on November 7, 2010, at 1:11:55
Annierose and Solstice said much of what I would say.
I do think it helps feel more secure when you add legs to your support stool. If you balance so much weight on your therapist's support, you're bound to feel very anxious and uncertain about her ability to hold it.
What was most helpful to me in feeling secure sounds so odd that I have to admit that it might not be as helpful to others. I do have strange notions sometimes.
It was most helpful to me to realize what our relationship *wasn't*. It helped me most to really recognize the boundaries of the caring. To recognize that my therapist couldn't be all I wished for him to be. He wasn't my real mother. He cared for me a lot as a client, but not as a family member. That my fantasies of who he was to me were just fantasies. Perfectly nice and ok to keep, as long as I recognized on a gut deep level that they were fantasies. I always recognized that on an intellectual level. Katrina ought to have shredded our relationship. It made very clear to me what the limits were.
Yet strangely, as soon as I truly understood the boundaries and limits, it was far easier to feel the caring within those boundaries and limits. It was easier to appreciate and trust what we did have once I quit wondering what we had. Well, it might have taken a bit of mourning first. And it still smarts when I run smack dab into the boundaries. But I'm not focusing my attention on the boundaries as much as I used to. I'm focusing on what's on the space between us.
It's not all that I've ever wanted, but it's darn nice.
I'm not sure if that would help anyone in the world except me.
poster:Dinah
thread:968902
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20101023/msgs/968944.html