Posted by Daisym on March 17, 2010, at 1:43:16
In reply to Re: Why do I need my therapist? » Daisym, posted by Annierose on March 5, 2010, at 17:20:53
Wow Annie - powerful post. You understand yourself and your therapy needs pretty well.
One of the discussions that has happened in the past month or so has been about how damaged I am around sex. I began wishing my therapist could teach me about sex and how to understand my triggers and reactions to things. We had several powerful conversations along these lines - what that would look like and what it would mean to our relationship. It wasn't as if we were planning to do it -but more it was allowing the idea to play itself out. His acceptance of these feelings was great and frightening. While he always made it clear that we were just talking and never would it happen, MY bravery around the conversation startled me. It shows you how desperate I am to be normal in this area.
But feeling this close - having these kinds of conversations, kicked off a tremendous need to pull way away - and examine this need. I scared myself, I think.
And then he had a personal emergency that reminded me of his "real" life and how I really am not part of it. It is so painful to run up against that, even though I think I know it already.
What you said about hating the need is absolutely true. But I'm not sure I hate the love. It is kind of like a secret smile I keep close to my heart. It feels good to be allowed to care about someone who demands nothing in return (except fees but that is another discussion!)
poster:Daisym
thread:938580
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20100303/msgs/939779.html